A REAL HORROR SHOW- MARCUS ON THE LOOSE!

[◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊]

      ONCE UPON A TIME,

      Eli and Darren were out fishin' in the moonlight...

                
                           Darren-
                      "Eww.  What the hell is this thing?"

 Eli-
"Bleh, imagine poor fuckers having to
  get their dinner out of these waters."
                  
                           Darren-
                      "Hey, fishermanning is, like, good working
                          class shit.  Like, honest work, man."

 Eli-
 "Well yeah, but... that thing is looking at you, bruh.
Like with the understanding of a man... And it has hair."
                               
                            Darren-
                        "Eeeeyeeeeeehhh...."


                He finally tossed it back in the stanky waters.
                                
                            Darren-
                     "Anyway, all that shit I was talkin' is true,
                     but maybe we ain't cut out for these manly
                     ways.  How many labret piercings have we
                       handed out tonight?"

Eli-
"When I was a kid I thought the fish just got
  stuck on to the hooks with something sticky.
...That could be even more horrific when I think
  about it.  It's a, uh, nice night at least."
                                
                            Darren-
                     "True.  It's creepy and stanky and cold as
                      corpse eyeballs, but kinda... free out here.
                        I guess the floating is a bit like a sens--"


_*SQREEAAAAAAWWWNnn_*
      A blast of hellish noise rattled the entire boat and the young vampires
            all the way to their bones, knocking them out of their seats.

 Eli-
"That's not a fucking balloon!!!"

       
       Marcus-
_*NYAAAAAAI-I-I-I-IEEEE!_*

                          
                                  Darren-
                            "WHAT THE GODDAMSHIT?!!"


      The boat was full of cracks, worsened when the monster
  slapped its head over the stern and dropped an eldritch
laugh on their eardrums for the encore.

        Eli-
  "YAUGHH!!  WHAT IS THAT!?  WE
WEREN'T TRYING TO EAT YOU, BRO!!!"

          _*transformation!_*
                         
                      Marcus-
                 "It's nearly your bedtime, boys."
                          
                                  Darren-
                            "Whozza-- That guy--- Who are?!  Shit!"

 Eli-
  "Wh-- uh-- shit, are we on your turf, dude?
We'll scoot, no probs, man.  Really... It's all good."
                               
                                  Darren-
                            "Yeah, you're in the Circle now, right?
                                  Circle bros!  Whatever you want."

     
                      Marcus-
                 "What I want?  What do I like?  Only to
                 hear the innocent scream for their lives."

           
                       Marcus-
                  "Please me! Scream harder!"

                   
"AhahaaAAAIIIIEIEIIIII!!!"


He slapped them with his slimy tentacles around and shrieked mightily.
                          
                                  Darren-
              "I AIN' INNOCENT!  I AIN'T EVEN PAID MY DUES, MAAAAN!"

                      Eli-
              "NO MAN!  JUST NOOO!  NOT LIKE THIS!"

               Eli-
             "So undignified..."


The Marcus-Monster chortled in a shrieking wet voice.
               
           Marcus-
"h^A h^A h^A! enJOY the^eEEEee brI^IINNNYYYY DEPPPTHHS^SSS! AHh^aH^aHA^aaa!!"

It dove under the water, sending out a great torrent of filthy sea water splashing over the 'innocents.'

          Only a few questions remained: How long before the boat disintegrated,
                and would the beast at that point return to torment them?

            
                                          Darren-
                                    "ohgodohgodohgod!"

               Eli-
          "Geh, stank water in my eyes!"
                              
                                          Darren-
                                     "okokokFocus, Darren!  Shit!"
                           
                                          Darren-
                               "OK, we can't drown, but like... our whole shit is
                      gonna get soaked out.  Anything essential on your cell?"

 Eli-
  "Fuck dude, guess we can try the rice trick later unless one of us
spontaneously learns to turn into a fuckin' bird in the next ten seconds."
                              
                                          Darren-
                                 "That ain't happenin'.  Shit.  Fuck.  OK.
                   So, we're goin' in...  I wonder if...  Swimmin' will work.
                     Corpses float, don't they?"

 Eli-
"Yeah!  Let's just swim to shore!  Let's go now,
  don't get caught in the-- like... undertow."
                                 
                                          Darren-
                                     "Sure thing.  I just--"

    They were sucked in by the undertow.  Eli spun end over end in the water, before he got his bearings.
Why wasn't he floating?  He could kick his way in a given direction, but letting go would mean a plunge
 to the depths.

Crap!  No air in the lungs!  Should've thought of that before they sank.  He kicked to the surface to get a gulp.
It took god damn forever, giving him time to think on the way up.  Was squid guy just gonna gobble them up?
That was a fuck of a way to go.  Gross!  What kind of freaky biz was going on in these waters?  Hell, he knew
 damn well the hellish microbes from Marine Bio.  At least any flesh eaten by bacteria would probably grow
  back by the next night.

At the surface, inhaling wasn't an unbidden extreme compulsion, just a thing he could choose to do.  A weird
thing to experience for the first time in a while.  There he was, Eli Rojo, floating corpse, alone in Harlan Bay.

He kept himself afloat, turning his head to get the lay of the, ahem, land.  Where was Darren?  Nowhere.  He
had to be underwater.  No sign of a bird Darren in the sky.

Fuuuuuuudge.  He dove back underwater in search of the guy.  Time to put them ancient lifeguarding skillz
to use at last.  He didn't know whether to swim deeper to see him in the impenetrable darkness, or to swim
farther.  Just when he was about to give up on deeper, he saw a barely perceptible Darren shape further
down.  Eli was already at least a hundred feet deep, Darren had to be more like two hundred, and would
soon be so deep even vampire eyes couldn't see him.

Damn, man!  Every vampire for himself?  Dude couldn't swim or just couldn't figure out what to do?  Well,
if Eli couldn't see him, how could he even lifeguard him?  If he found him, what then?  Baby bird him some
air?  Maybe if he could get himself to land he could find the guy some friggin' floaties or something or like
a... uh, underwater flashlight...

 He could try to dive faster to reach him.  Compression, decompression, neither was a problem now - that
Eli knew of.  But it wasn't going to be easy. Ughhh.  He couldn't just leave the guy to walk the briny depths,
 could he?  He went for it, hoping the guy was using his hoodie for a diving bell or something.

Nope.  No diving bell.  But Eli managed to get a grip on him.  They were going down together, until Darren
figured out he was supposed to be still for Eli's maneuvers.  After an uncomfortable minute of nonverbal,
nearly blind negotiation, Eli was very slowly heading back to the surface.  The air in his lungs might have
been the only thing making that possible.

At last, they broke the surface.

                                            
                                          Darren-
                                  "*blb* Holy crap man, ugh, ugh!"

Eli-
 "*glk* Yeah dude, fuckkk... Am I gonna
have to Antearctos Nights you out of here?"
                                            
                                          Darren-
                               "*blb* blegh nuh *blb*  how...?  Swi*glk*

 Eli-
"Just-- uh, take a big breath
 and let me tow ya, big boy."
                                    
                                                                                     Darren-
                                      Darren-                            "*BLGAGH BLK hwooo*
                                 "...i tink... i got it..."

Darren was ready to swim, roughly - seemed to understand the need to hold
  in a big breath - but he didn't have the trick of talking at the same time.

 Eli swam small distances ahead to make sure the dude was keeping up, but
wasn't afraid to tow him as offered.  Darren eventually figured out how to talk
 again, when they were halfway to the pier.

Darren-
 "Wh-hoo... You can hold it in and talk shallow?  Shit.
Anyway, what the fuck was that?  That's one of the dudes,
 isn't it?  The punker seemed alright.  Why is her homie
   a dick from hell?"

 Eli-
  "Dude is literally like, more than a thousand years old, too.
 I don't think he's anybody's friend except other weird progenitors
or whatever.  Think he was making a pass at me at that meeting too.
  Ugh-- maybe that's why... ugh..."

 Darren-
"Damn, man.  Ugh... Eh..."

 Darren-
  "Naw, it really did seem like some random dickery,
like, the shit he said, the fact he wasn't focuses on you.
 I wonder if he'd do that to anyone?  Or maybe just
  the newbies like us?"

Eli-
"Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.  Ugh-- what a dickhole!
 That was some petty junior high bully shit.  Especially
  if he's a billion years old, like, way to push a baby
    into the pool or whatever.  Dick."

Darren-
"This is our lives now..."

Eli-
 "Damn it man, it's not supposed to be.  You can't just let a guy
like that run around busting all the babies.  Shit-- we really gotta
let people know.  Unless he's just got a hard on for boat wreckage...
 don't think he's gonna stop with just us."

Darren-
"How fast does the rice trick work?"

Eli-
"Not fast enough, my dude..."

   When'st those chappies did reach Eli's place, they
borrowed Vitus's cell phone to send a text of warning.

FURTHERMORE,

Some people are frightened and some people are frightening. Some times you come across blood, guts, a real horrorshow.  Sometimes your boat gets broken.  And sometimes, for those who lack Dynamic Tension ^TM, you just get sand kicked in your face.  These are such stories...

BOONG BOONG. Anyhow, one night, Ru was driving Babette to pick up some props from the warehouse, and they were taking the relatively deserted freeway.  A devil on a warehouse roof smelled young vampires in the wind, and as a void-black wraith wended his way in that direction.

     Babette screamed as a figure stepped in front of the car, and Ru slammed the brakes

       

             
             Marcus-
           "Ahahaha!"

Ru-
"AHH! IT'S THAT GUY FROM THE MESSAGE! What are we going to do Babette?"

He thought about speeding up and jolting forward but then remembered something about a hole being ripped in the side of a ship, for what that was worth.

Instead he backed up, in hopes of somehow out-backing-up this guy, and potentially preventing any new holes being ripped in their current vehicle. He had already been partially responsible for the wreckage of one car.


Babette remembered the warning they received about the v-neck wonder. This man was a boat murderer! And he had a BIG SWORD!

Babette-
"He's going to dent our car, Ru! Reverse! Reverse!"

Ru-
"AHH!"

He floored the gas on the reverse-gear!

Marcus flung the sword at the car as Ru slammed the car into motion.

TOIINNGGGG!

It embedded in the hood, like an extra fancy and view-obscuring hood ornament.

             Marcus-
"Something to remember me by, lovelies!
               Ahahahahahaha!"

Ru-

Ru really felt like turning into a bat and flying away in terror, but instead he pressed the gas hard to speed out of there.

"IS THERE SOMETHING STUCK IN THE CAR? I CAN'T SEE? WHAT DID HE DO?"


Babette-
"He threw his freaking SWORD. What is WRONG with you? Who DOES that?"

She covered her eyes.

"Where's Gaston Louis when you need him?"


Ru tried to think...what would Gaston Louis be doing now anyhow?

Probably posing and looking very cool and moody on top of a building somewhere.

Or maybe making a very grim face about the hardships of the life of a lonely Ronin.

Either way, probably not here...

[◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊]

Another time, Zody and Dana were riding the bus as it clanked
 along a slow shady street.  They spoke with each other quietly,
getting accustomed to the new order of being able to hear quiet
 things past big noises.

     
                                                               Zody-
 Dana-                                  "Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin?"
"If I keep my eyes
closed forever, will I get super                Zody-
hearing?  I mean, more than this."     "And unstubbable toes."


Little did they know, menace lurked!

Something thumped on top of the bus, a fallen branch?
     
 Dana-
"Nnnope.  I don't like that."          Zody-
                                                               "You've taken the bus before."
                Dana-
        "True, but... I don't know."      Zody-
                                                               "It's OK.  So how's your aunt?"

The bus bumped and lumped its way around with no further
  interruptions for several minutes. When... A upside-down
    shadowy face looked in the window!
  
       
         Dana-                                               Zody-
    "GAH!  Excuse me?!"                 "Yeah...  Er, nice trick, hi?"

Marcus-
"The little prince's children, what a delight...
So very fresh..."
                      
              Dana-                                                  Zody-
           "Fresh?!  Fresh?"                     "We ain't produce, mister, but
                                                              we have fresh styles.  How, uh,
                                                         how do you know Prince Anselm?"

Marcus-
"We are bound together by the laws that govern
our unnatural existence. He, somehow,
with power over my millennia of experience
on the battlefield, how funny."
                      
                                                                               Zody-
             Dana-                                        "You're in the Circle then?  An ally?"
   "...Your image was sent to us,
       yes... Marcus I believe. "                    Zody-
                                                                       "Marc... Marcus then, uhh... Hi."
  
Marcus-
"That I am. It's unwise for you to go out unchaperoned.
 While unfathomably less powerful than I, your master
   could provide you with some minimal protection.
You never know what dangerous beings lurk in the night."

Marcus-
"I suppose I'll have to keep my watchful eye
upon you instead. Yes. I will watch you closely..."
     
             Dana-
        "NO!  I MEAN, strictly speaking,       Zody-
     that's not really necessary, is it?"     "We're nobodies, buddy."

Marcus-
"No trouble at all. What's a humble servant to do?
The prince's children are of utmost importance.
Don't worry, you won't even notice me..."
  
Marcus-
"Ciao, loves..."

His form went void-black and splatted against the window
    like an ink bomb, before dripping away into the night.

   
             Dana-
        "AAAAUGH!"                                  Zody-
                                                                           "Oh no oh no oh no..."

Another time, Cameron and Tristan were stepping out of a club, wary
for lurking manic pixie dream boy attacks.  The coast seemed clear, this
late hour - just a little while before dawn.  No humans around either.

        
  Cameron-
"Man.  It's weird being the last
 guys out the damn club, like,                      Tristan-
what are we?  Super drunks?"                 "Only I am super.  You
                                                                                  are sidekick guy."

Little did they know, menace lurked!

    The boys walked for a couple blocks, when someone
stepped out of an alleyway. Someone with no body heat.

Marcus-
"Good evening..."

    
  Cameron-                                                   Tristan-
      "..."                 Cameron-                "Sure, yeah.  Who are you?"
                          "I think it's the
                                boat killer, bro."          Tristan-
                                                                    "Is scarry guy?"

 Marcus-
"Oh nonono, we're allies in this war, aren't we?
  I'm just getting to know everyone..."

                   
  Cameron-
"Mm, well, yes, the boat thing...          Tristan-
    Just a little prank then?"                 "I shoot at bad guy one times."

Marcus-
"Of course, of course... just a little sporty fun,
you know, the kind boys do with each other.
How about I tag along with you lads?"

                   
                                                                    Tristan-
  Cameron-                                         "Oh you know, I know I don't know?"
"He means to say, uh, well,
we'd just bore you to tears.  Tears, dude."

Marcus-
"There are more thrilling ways
to make a man cry..."

                   
                                                                       Tristan-
  Cameron-                                           "I'm uh... Kinda bore with having
"Video games, amirite?"               to have thrill on some peoples?"

Marcus-
"Mmm... I was thinking more..."

Marcus-
"Impromptu battle!"

He tackled Tristan.
           
 Cameron-                                                                    Tristan-
"DUDE, NOOO!"                                                        "*shrinks*"

Tristan shrank into a bat instantly, but the
fast older vampire could easily catch him...
He caught the bat by one dainty wing.

Marcus-
"Ahaha, get in here rosso! I have enough love for you all!"

  
        Cameron-
  "OH NO BRO!  NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Marcus-
"Mm, that's good..."

Circumstances of a spontaneous evening had left Hunter's scooter halfway across town.  They were pretty confident it wasn't Crowboy turf, and disembarked from the bus into sheisty brick-town.  They strolled with the courage of the dead.

         
                                                                  Jess-
                                                              "Can you believe those security
  Hunter-                                              guards?  Haha, what squares."
"I know, like, live a little!"

    A shadow crawled on the ground behind them like ink wicking
through paper. Something reached out and tugged at Hunter's scarf.

     
           Hunter-                                                   Jess-
        "Ahh! What is that? It's stuck?"     "Huh.  Did you sp--"

         
                                                                                 Jess-
                                                                          "Oh my god WHAT??"

Marcus-
"Vicier's babies! Ahahaha, your screams
will be all the more satisfying!"

         
                                                                   Jess-
                                                           "OH MY GOD, WHAT?  NO!  It's not
    Hunter-                                                            like... he even likes us!?"
"Oh god, oh god... yes, please just like,
no man, uh -- we don't even live with
the dude!"

Marcus-
"Mmn, consider it in the same vein as keying his car,
or writing 'SLUT' on his front door-- I'm tired of both.
 Now if you'd be so kind--"


Marcus-
"SCREAM LIKE YOU MEAN IT!"


             Hunter-                                                              Jess-
       "AAAAAAAAUUGGH!"       "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

[◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊]

<<BEARBEITE>>

August was designated driving Darren back to Fitzpatrick's in his D-ron's hot rod.  What a machine!  It rumbled in a way that humbled the silver Augustmobile.  Totally pointless power.  They rolled a momentarily deserted stretch of 351st in the pre-dawn, Darren's head lolling from drunko bloods.  Little did they know, danger lurked...

Darren-
"You like muh... You like muh hot rod...
  haha...  Sounds like you like muh dong."

August-
"Hehehehe totally. I like ya car alright but ya can keep ya hot rod dong to ya self."

The car lurched forward as August accidentally put too much metal to the pedal in his mirth.
He preferred driving his roadster, it was a little more like a well ridden horse compared to this wild thing.

An overpass fast approached from the road ahead.  Somebody
  slammed on their brakes to avoid t-boning the beast.  A horn
      was honked but quickly died away in the distance.

      
Darren-
  "Dong dong ding dong, diggity
dong diggity... I'm rap metal bro."

Menacing shadows were menacing, but lost in a motion blur...

August-
"Yeah totally. Heh. Ya might have invented a whole new genre there, Daz. Man I guess this is why artists stick to the harder drugs to write songs huh? I mean.. Except you. Of course."

August drove on, unawares of any impending doom that may come to them.

The car passed under the dark overpass, the back end dipping imperceptibly. When they emerged into the relatively more well-lit open, August spied through the rearview mirror - a formless black shape moving on the trunk! Darren saw nothing but the inside of his cool sunglasses.


August eyed the shape but kept his eyes on the road.

August-
"Uhh Daz. Ummm. There's something on the boot. Can ya have a look?
I reckon it might be.. a cat or something? Ans? Demetri?"
      
Darren-
  "Wat. Don't gimme no ... no malarkah..."

    He cast about as fast as his head would go,
            which wasn't very.

Formless Black Shape-
" Eeeeeeeli.... Eeeeeeelllliiiiii... The darkness calls you... "



August-
"Lawdamimbo! Ain't this an awkward mess. Ya piddlin whoever ya are.
There ain't no Eli here, so ya can be on ya way. Ta ta!"

August clung tight to the wheel, speeding up a little on the highway.
He didn't feel nearly as brave as he sounded.

      
Darren-
  "Um like, I'm like... Eli? I can, uh, put 'im on speaker
phone. Who shall I say is gentleman caller? Darkness?"

    He fumbled with his phone.


The shadows dropped.

Marcus-
"Oh bloody hell, that was the name, wasn't it?
Wait-- you weren't the one I banged?"

The man clung to the car effortlessly.


...Was that what this was about?

 
August-
"Sorry! I think I'd remember that. Nah, ya ain't me type.
I like girls I'm afraid, matey. Can't speak for me friend here though."

August caught a flash of the man's face and his mirth faded rapidly.

August-
"I'm sure ya very nice though. Everyone makes mistakes..."
      
 Darren-
"Squid dude?!  This ain't a boat bro!"

    He dropped the phone.

Marcus-
"Hmmm, I'm everyone's type. That's what they say when I ask."

Marcus-
"Oh yes, you were the two on the boat? That was a grand time.
Love it when things just come together like that, no effort at all."

Marcus-
"Let's recreate the magic! SCREAM FOR ME!"

He slammed his fist into car, jolting it, and he climbed forward...

August-
"BOAT GUY?! LAWDAMIMBO!!"

August busted his arse trying to indicate into the next lane looking wildly
for somewhere to stop. He put on the brakes trying to keep the car in control.

     
     Darren-
"No! No dude! Please! It's my raaaawd, duuude!"

    The road was clear enough he was easily able to pull
 to the shoulder. A short thin concrete divider separated
   the road from a forty foot drop. What the heck next?

  
Marcus-
"Ahahahaha! LOUDER!"

He stood on the back, seeming to transform halfway into some awful beast
and back like a terrifying strobe. His voice became shrill and unnatural.

             Marcus-
                "SCREAM!"

Right, pulling over wasn't an option. August drove on.

 
August-
"Awww darn it!! Come on. Sure ya don't got better to do??
We'll scream until the cows come home. Just leave Dazza's baby alone."

     Darren-
"Like, uh, AiEEEE bro!  AiEEEEEEeee?!"

    After nearing the little wall and slowing, the car
pulled back out and started picking up speed again.


Marcus's form fell apart into a writhing tentacled mass that gripped every surface.

Marcus-
"SHREEEEE^EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

The blood curdling shriek popped the vampires' ear drums before they quickly
stitched back together. Every bit of glass or mirror on the car shattered.

Marcus-
"Try something in that ballpark."

August-
"A^AAAAAAAAAAAaaAAAA_AAaaaaAAAAaaaRRGGGHHHH!"

August kept both hands white knuckling the steering wheel.
He slammed on the breaks. People would just have to drive
around the horrible monster.

       Darren-
"AUUUUUUUUGGHGGH NOOOOoooo!"

    He was completely sobered as all the blood knitting his
 superficial wounds burned up the booze.  He tried to jump
  free but was utterly stuck in the seatbelt.

        The road was still mercifully empty.


The monster tore the outer panels of the car off in a single move,
tossing them aside. Bits of safety glass rained down like a blizzard,
and the vampires were left sitting in a stripped hunk of metal.

Marcus-
"EEEEHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Marcus-
"You should see your faces right now! Ahahaha, soooo good!"

He melted away into darkness, and sprang off like the shadow of a giant flea.

August let go of the now useless steering wheel. So much for looking out for the dude when he came looking for you.

August-
"Ya still loaded to the back teeth, right? Sorry about ya hot rod. It was nice."
  
August-
"Want me to call a tow truck?"
     
          Darren-
       "Why not?  Why the hell not?  Let's call
   a tow truck to fold this shit up for us and
 tuck it into their bib overalls so they can
 take it back to the crime lab and run their
 little tests and seven weeks later tell us we
 got ransacked by a killer takoyaki?!"
     
    Darren-
 "That guy fucking suuuuucks!"

    Darren remained jangled as jangled could be.

[◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊]

Thierry was on the roof at Rafflesia, spacing out his eyes, watching machine spirits and electric eels slither through the spirit world of Harlan.  Little did he know, high above a horrible shade drifted through the night sky in search of mayhem...

Thierry-
  "..."

Something crept up behind him, tentacles spreading out
of the darkness to curl around him...!  He startled a little,
reeling his mind in from the other dimension.
                      
                          Thierry-
                 "Is that Santi?  No, I don't smell the piss perfume..."
     
                             -
                          "No... it's--"


Marcus-
"YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE,
LITTLE BOY!
YA HA HA HA HAAAAA!"
           
                          Thierry-
             "Yeah, that was pretty impressive 200 years ago,
          but since then, I've partied with vice elementals.
            What else do you have, Marcus?"
   
   Marcus-
"What? Ohh... I did that already?
Damn! What a disappointment."

   Marcus-
 "If you're such a man now,
 let's have it out like real men!
If I can't make you scream from fear,
 you'll scream from pain! Ahahaha!"
 
                          Thierry-
                  "Must I?  We already know you can defeat
             me in physical combat.  It proves nothing,
      would just be tedious.  Besides, then you'd have
          to explain to Lepponen, and so on..."

Marcus-
"Good god, so dreadfully boring.
Siiiiiiiiiigh. Fine, there are more
beautiful boys to terrify anyhow.
Ciao, idiota."

He blinked out of existence and off to look for more evil adventure.

Thierry picked up his phone.

          Thierry-
      "Oh, I'm the idiot huh?"

*ring ring*

Demetri-
"Thierry, good sir.  Why do you call me
tonight?  Ready to get involved again?"

Thierry-
"Can you get a handle on your goddamn goons?
Just trying to mind my fuckin' business and got
billion year old assholes giving me shit."

Demetri-
"Mm?  Ah... Marcus did what now?"

Thierry-
"Tried to get his tentacles up on me, and then
challenged me to throw down while I'm on my
own damn property. Obviously not busy enough,
can't you throw him a sheep carcass or something?"

Demetri-
 "How strange... Well, I suppose not, given his reputation.
Very well and thank you for bringing this to my attention."

Thierry-
"Yeah dude, work on that attention problem. Peace. *click* "
         
                  Demetri-
             "Pesty old brat..."

*ring ring*

 Marcus-
   "Yesss? What pathetic little creature
are you going to ask me to kiss this time?"

Demetri-
"None.  I heard you've harassed an ally, rumors of more.
I realize you have the power to do what you want, but
it would make this war go much more smoothly if you
would desist in those activities.  At least for now, and
we can revisit the matter later?"

Marcus-
"Ughh it's just a harmless bit of fun! We always do this sort
 of thing in-- *sigh* The man-baby I can understand, but
what good is having children if you can't play with them?"

Demetri-
  "I'm terribly busy.  As I said, revisit it later?
I will discuss the merits of your position when
the difficulties of war have passed.  I promise."

Marcus-
"Would that we could all be so busy with dreadfully
  important things... Very well, mio capitano."
         
                  Demetri-
             "Very well indeed sir, and good night."

THUSLY didst a reign of terror come to an end... FOR NOW..?