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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on May 26, 2016 0:09:11 GMT -8
 ACHTUNG! The following threads contain lots of hard drug usage
and references to self-destructive attitudes and behaviors.  The night after the Theo attack, Anselm sent a message on his new phone...Hello Darren,
this is Anselm, you met at a party recently. Do you remember me?
I have blonde hair type as you, but you is lighter and yellow.
Talking to you is enjoyable, and I want to know if you want to be friends.
You can also prefer a telephone call or write a text message?
I am to be bad at Glennish sorry, but I think you are very cool
and enjoy good music.
I live in a bookbinder and I have a lot of weapons that you had
come to see, and I can give you some if you want.
It's very big guns like submachine, power rifle, or auto-shotgun,
not like a handgun, Elly says you only have it is too small.
I like to stand on the tall roof and shoot at something or if you can
know another good place, I go there to shoot weapons and
bring bullets and maybe blood if you like it.
Hoping for friendship,
Anselm Darren did not reply.
A couple hours later... Hello this is Anselm you ever met, you have a message?
I do not know to give it in right, but I get a number of Elly.
He says not to say, I'm sorry. Please tell me if you get it, okay?
Wondering on silence,
Anselm A few more hours passed, and Darren called after Anselm and friends got out of a movie theater...LINK HERE!The next day...Darren-
*ring ring*
Anselm-
"Hello, it's Anselm. Are you Darren?"
Darren-
"Yeah, wassup dogg?"
Anselm-
"Are you ready to shoot guns now?"
Darren-
"So, uh. What's up with all the gun stuff, dude?"
Anselm-
"It's okay to not like, I know Glennish don't like it always."
Darren-
"I'm cool for now. I got a piece. Just, like, why are you all gun crazy? No judgment, just curious."
Anselm-
"For fighting 'dhe badboy, but I like at home too. Not zo many,
I only had two before I move here but now I haff a big box full."
Darren-
"You're part of that posse that came to fight, uh, Terrence or whatever?"
Anselm-
"Yeah, I shoot him t'ree times but he doesn't die."
Darren-
"Damn, son. Did ya use the big bullets?"
Anselm-
"Yeah! It vass an auto shotgun. He loses all fingers and part face, I 'dhink... don't vork. *sigh*
He kicks me zo bad. Embarrassing."
Darren-
"OK, if I could barf my shit out I just did. Next topic."
Anselm-
"Haha, it's not too barf, don't vorry. Zo vhat do you like to do? You are tired of a music concert?"
Darren-
"Pretty much nothin' lately. Thought I'd try crime, but that was creepy. We almost killed a guy,
got real lucky."
Anselm-
"Oh vhat kind of crime do you do? I'm lucky to not haff to do it, except a lot of illegal drugs
vhen I am a human, hahaha... Do you need money? I can lend a little."
Darren-
"Oh, naw, I'm good. I'm a low-key millionaire. You did the drugs too? I was pretty bad."
Anselm-
"Yeah I do lots of heroin but it's too expensive zo I stop before I died. Waste of time I guess, oh vell!"
Darren-
"Me too! I'd'a never quit if I knew I was gonna be a vampire. Wasted time I coulda been wasted."
Anselm-
"I know! Do you ever haff drugblood now? It's not 'dhe zame but it's okay... My friends get it for me
because I am lazy and don't like to talk to a human. You don't haff an addict so it's nice."
Darren-
"Eh, maybe a tiny buzz off it once. Is it even worth it? I don't even care about addiction."
Anselm-
"Hm, it's kind of like... you know you get only a little liquor left in a bottle, zo you mix it vith a soda
or vater and drink it and it's like, hmm okay eh. But if you drink a lot! Better 'dhan plain. One time
zomeone here has opium, it's really cool!"
Darren-
"Ehhhhhhh I dunno. Opium is just foreplay man, total waste of time."
Anselm-
"Haha, you are a hardcore. Opium tastes nice but yeah, fresh heroin is best. Hey do you vant to
get together and I cann bring you?"
Darren-
"...Uh... damn. Damn. How you gonna get it?"
Anselm-
"My friends help, It's just a little bit from a person, like a poke and 'dhey don't notice a bug bite.
Vee save some in a refrigerator but I get fresh for you to be friends. Do you know a good heroin place?
I zee people under a bridge but it might just be alcoholik."
Darren-
"Huh... huh.... Um... I guess I owe it to myself to try. Yeah, there's a few places around Yoony.
On the drag there's The Traitor, but that's hella creepy. This other guy kinda does the 'house party' circuit.
I guess... I could find out where he's at. Whaddya think?"
Anselm-
"Yeah! It zounds fun, my friends only like party drugs so I don't get to vith zomeone else much.
Do you know Janice and Lucio? It's my friends, I take one for a favor, do you vant to come too or just meet later?"
Darren-
"You think you can find Heroin Harry without me? Heck I can make him zombie walk up to my shit
because I knew him before."
Anselm-
"Hmm, maybe vee meet you and you bring zombie man. You cann meet Janice too! I'm excited."
Darren-
"Sure man, fuck it. I'll roll my hot rod. Meet me at, say, uh... Roderick's on University."
Anselm-
"Yay, I zee you soon!"
*** In the dankest pits of ye Roderick's, two glamorous weirdos slurped on outside drinks, but no one cared enough to stop them.   
Janice-
<<You better have that Wilhelm/Tristan sixway in the works
after I put up with this skanky shit>>
Anselm-
<<I promise! I promise, I love you Janice.>>
Janice-
<<Tch... love you too.  >>
Sports TV blared and a bunch of boring a-holes milled about, giving the two weirdos funny looks.  
Anselm-
"Hi! Hi, it's him. Hi Darren!"
Janice-
"Hi..."
 
Darren-
"It's you again... And the balcony bird."
  ![]() 
Anselm-
"Darren is very cool, he hass a million Glenmarks."
Janice-
"Not bad. Well, shall we roll? This place is... yeah."
Anselm-
"Ve're getting pre-drinking so I zave more for you.
Do you want to try? It's on ice slush, very cold."
Janice-
"I dunno hon, I'm not even feeling
this brew myself. Too... dissolute Anselm-
in the ways I'm not into." "I don't know vhat it means but it's okay,
look, it turns pink.  "
 
Darren-
"Something to do while we wait. Just a sec."
He mentally summoned Heroin Harry.
Anselm handed him the drink, which smelled a bit like meaty beer.
![]()
Janice-
"So what are you in for, froggy?"
Anselm-
"Cool, do you become a frog?
I knew zomeone like it, it's very cute to hop."
Janice-
"Nah I just mean-- the shirt." Anselm-
"Ohhh. Not a frog 'dhen?"
Darren-
"Nope. Just turn into me, baby. So I
overheard the other night you cats are
sex freaks, huh? That can be kinda cool."
![]() 
Janice-
"I prefer 'sex positive' but yes, you might say
in the parlance of your generation..."
Anselm-
"Vee haff freaky sex! You like it too?
Vhat's your favorite?"
Janice-
"Eh... I think he's just making conversation."
Anselm-
"Oh... Vell, it's a good conversation."
Darren-
"I'm nothin' if not a raconteur. I ain't
done nothin' in a long time, and even then
it was bad news. But, like, back in the day,
we weren't stadium rockers, but it was
pretty funky."
 
Anselm-
"Oh I'm zorry! It's really hard to find
sexy people in 'dhis city isn't it?
Everyone is a baby or too boring.
Maybe I cann help you to--"
Janice-
"Ehm, maybe you boys can talk
about this subject later..." Anselm-
"Oh, okay. Do you haff a lot of
human friends still? I don't do vell
Janice- vith humans."
"You're fine hon, you just get too shy."
Anselm-
"Eh, vampires are better anyway,
less et'ical concern."
Darren-
"I'm a shitty friend, but some people
would prob'ly still use that word for me."
Janice-
"Aww..." Anselm-
"You are Anselm's friend!
I don't 'dhink you are shitty."
Janice-
"He's a pretty good friend, you don't even
have to be boning him or nothin.' " Anselm-
"Vell... unless--"
Janice-
"Anyway, humans are totes overrated.
They can be cool I guess but nothin'
like BFFs that are literally that, right?"
Darren-
"Don't think I'm ready to think about
'forever' yet. That's a long-ass time."
 
Janice-
"True enough, I'm not all that old for a
vamp, and me and Anselmo here have
only been BFs for... fifteen years?" Anselm-
"I'm only... 43 I think. I forgot."
Janice-
"Aw, babbies... Anyway,
immortality is kinda cool when Anselm-
you get used to it." "I like it. People I didn't like
got old and I cann laugh."
Darren-
"Well that's somethin'. So... The
reason for the evenin'. Heroin. I was
tricked into quitting when I was alive
and I kinda feel like it's payback time?"
Janice-
"Mehhh..." Anselm-
"Aw, Janice 'dhinks heroins are too dreary.
But it's fun zometimes, right?"
Janice-
"I guess it's kinda romantic...
Anyway, I ain't suppin' that brew so you
boys can have at it." Anselm-
"Janice likes MDMA best."
Janice-
"No way, that was like, five years ago.
I've moved on..." Anselm-
"Ohh, really?"
Janice-
"Nothin' but novelty for this dame."
Darren-
"That's coo, that's coo... As for me,
even though I got no reason to, for
some reason I can't even imagine
this working. What is that?"
Janice-
"Oh man, you haven't un-lived
until you got some hallucinogens Anselm-
up in your immortal ass. "Hmm, it's a bit funny, huh?
Soooooo trippy!" I 'dhink it's how you don't need to
breathe or drink vater, zo it cann
be a less high for you and still feel good.
I don't haff a crushing depression now,
so it doesn't need to be zo strong!"
"No need to be a maintenance
user when you got regular old O-positive to keep you on the
up and up. Strictly recreational for these cats."
Darren-
"Hm. Well maybe this won't be too bad."
They chit-chatted with Darren for a few minutes, Janice lost some of her initial distaste as they talked about debauched rock lifestyles. Anselm made a lot of pleasant faces and asked some Darren related trivia now and again.
 
HH-
"Who the fuck are you and how'd ya get my brain's number?"
Darren-
"Harry you dirty old piece of shit,
Howzit goin'? I'm a wizard now.
Or a lizard, not sure yet."
 
Janice-
"Whoa!" Anselm-
"Hm?" He squinted at Harry.
Anselm-
Janice- "Ohhhhhh I remember!"
"Heh, uh, how about that.
How's it going Harold?"
  
Heroin Harry-
"The Grau Menace?! OK, you got cool friends, but
that's still narc powers yer bustin'. Tell me
why I shouldn't shank ya right now."
Darren-
"I have all of the duckets, mon frere.
ya want a piece of this wad, you
gotta play ball."
Janice-
"You know what we're after,
baby-boo!" Anselm-
"A party!"
Janice-
"That's right. I'll shank a narc in cold blood.
If you know what I mean..."
Darren-
"Speaking of cold blood, you ain't lookin'
so hot. What gives, you subhuman?"
 
Heroin Harry-
"It's my healthy health regimen. I get all my vitamins 'n' shit."
Janice-
"Yeah, don't look too different from
when I saw you a few years ago...
Huh, guess you just got good genes Har'." Anselm-
"Vell-preserved, I think..."
Heroin Harry-
"You know what I'm sayin' cool brass, you gotdam lamia."
Darren-
"This is a lovely reunion, but please oh
please, wrap it up and take us to the drug show."
Janice-
"Take it away, maestro." Anselm-
"Hurra!"
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on May 26, 2016 0:13:32 GMT -8
   
These two guys sat on top of the university water tower. Anselm lay on his back, legs slung over the railing, feet dangling freely. He handed over the hero-vino and took a potshot at a distant streetlamp with a short-barrel hunting rifle. The metal clanked but the light didn't quite go out. He leaned to the side to take better aim. The light fizzed out with an orange burst.
Darren-
"Yup. Things ain't what they been, but they
could be a helluvalot worse, friendo." Anselm-
"I zick of everything."
He fidgeted with the stock, and squinted through the sights but didn't take a shot.
Darren-
"What's so... whatsobad aboud?
Don' be sick. Can't hardly vom." Anselm-
"Tired of people tell me do zomething.
Go to a 'dhing, take care of a baby boo boo boo..."
He blasted out one of the many lights on a distant billboard
and laid down the rifle, holding out his hand for the hero-vino. 
Anselm-
Darren- "Do you get tired of a Circle?"
"Why stop there? I don't like
one damn thing about vampires or being one.
Ugh. Too lucid already. Give it back."
Anselm took a big pull then handed it over.
Anselm-
"Mn, I don't like it either.
Darren- You find sexy friends, it's better."
"Mm. Rilly? Ya seemed hunky
dory... Whaddid ya do to get
progenected? genated?" Anselm-
"Eh, a bad man tortures me
and zays everyone hates me
to make a progen.
But then [REDACTED]"
He fiddled with the gun again, before handing it over to Darren.
Darren took it and waved it around slowly, ensorceling a city.
Darren-
"Revenge, yeah... That's hot. Hey,
uh... Hey, are you a...
Are you a narc?" Anselm-
"A narc? Oh, for a Circle? Tch, no.
I zick of stupid Circle chores.
Darren- Do you haff a revenge?"
"In my dreams..."
Darren-
"I got turned into a monster, for basically
yuks. Random carnage, like... just
the way them mufuckas do." Anselm-
"Uch, it sucks. Zorry you died,
it's too bad. Hey if you bite a tongue
Darren- it goes in faster."
"Oh. Good lookin' out bruh. But I...
godda make a point firs'. Lissen, so,
vampires, who needs 'em? What we
need, what hoomanidy needs, is a...
Sword that can kill all vampires. Anselm-
Like, louse shampoo." "Whoa-- yeah... vith a magic.
Maybe it's a magic gun like a... zilver bullets.
Oh-- but I tried it before. How do you do?"
 
Darren-
"What for rill? I ain't got no plan.
I dunno, like, bombs? How did
you try?" Anselm-
"Oh I try a lot, best is [REDACTED]"
Darren-
"But even if you get 'im, there's like,
a jillion other vamps out there
killin' people 'n' shit. Whadda Anselm-
ya do? Needa spell?" "Mn, yeah, too many in a vorld.
I 'dhink like you vhen I am born.
Very angry, lots of bad vampires."
Darren-
"So what then? Just... This?
Until some rando kills us?" Anselm-
"Eh, like a human I guess?
Live for you cann, make friends... eh...
Oh man, too much brain, gimmie..."
Anselm-
"I don't know about you. You are a rock man,
famous, but you don't like it, right?
Darren- Hey, shoot in a 'O' on 'dhe billboard."
"...'kay."
He took aim, fired a shot, and hit who knows what.
Darren-
"Yup. It's just this. Gotta
find a hobby I guess." Anselm-
"Eh, it's fine, I don't like people who bother.
I am just curious, I 'dhink you are like me
but I never be famous."
Darren-
"Kinda, but it's weird, cuz...
Everybody wants somebody
to call em a good boy, right?
You get that, but it feels Anselm-
like lies, makes you "Yeah? I get... Maybe I get a compliment
hate yourself." but I 'dhink 'okay' and I forget forever.
Just zaying to be nice or pity."
He traded the vino for the gun, and wiped down the scope on his pants leg.
Anselm-
"Maybe it's personal... hm, do you
haff a problem vhen you are alive?
Darren- Not a drugs but... zomething else."
"...No real, like, attempts. ODs don't
count, do they? How about you?" Anselm-
"About a same, overdose to hospital?
I only go once or twice. I am a progen,
I haff to be a crazy boy. Zometimes it's
Darren- better for a vampire, but not alvays."
"Yep... Huh, whaddya mean it's
better? For progenitors like?"
Anselm-
"Uh huh. I don't haff a bad depression,
but I ztill haff... eh, everything else.
Do you feel it too? I don't hear it from
Darren- a not progen vampire before."
"Huh... So, like, turning into a
vampire... Ya don't have, as much, chemical stuff cuz yer brain is dead.
So it. Feels. Less bad? ... But not as cool as they say. For you...
I guess for me too. Before I always had something, some way of sleeping
through it. Now it's so hard to just catch a double nap. I swear, sometimes
I'm just pretending to sleep and hopin' it takes."
Anselm-
"Maybe you find a fun 'dhing to do at night,
parties, friends and sex are best to me.
Darren- Hm, you are interesting person..."
"Thanks, but I can't even think
what's gonna work for me. You're
pretty cool though, like, for rill."
Anselm-
"Dhanks... Hey..."
Anselm took the bottle, but it was getting a bit low, so he handed it back.
Anselm-
"Vant to make out?"
Darren-
"WHAaaaaaaaa?"
Darren-
"Why no thank you, goodsir. Dranking
yer heroins shall be sufficient
divertisement for me Anselm-
upon this night." "Oh... Hetero?"
Darren-
"Hooooooooooo sorry. Hope
that doesn't mess up yer night." Anselm-
"A bit disappoint. It's fine.
You finish a bottle."
Anselm-
"You do it vith me again?
I hope you are my friend now."
Darren-
"Hell yeah bro. Looks like I'm gonna
blow my fortune on H once more." Anselm-
"Yay!"
Darren threw them bluds back hardcore.
Anselm-
"Hey, throw it over a railing hard."
Darren-
"For real, dude?"
Anselm leaned back and readied the rifle. Darren chucked it wildly, using his vampire strength to try not to embarrass himself and failing just the same. Anselm squinted, and CH-BLAOW! The bottle went boom, thankfully far enough to not spray them with shrapnel. He laughed and staggered to his feet, holding out a hand to help Darren up. He accepted.
Anselm-
"You ever jump off zomething like 'dhis?
Darren- It loses a novelty, but ztill kinda fun."
"The other night in the robbery.
Prob'ly less freaky now..."
He hopped up to sit on the railing, his back to the drop. Darren clambered over it much less adroitly, feet on a more substantial ledge, hands gripping the rail.
Anselm-
Darren- "OK, Ok, ok" "Okay, 1, 2, 3, 'Goodbye cruel vorld...!" Anselm slung the rifle over his shoulder, leaned back and flipped head first into the fall. Darren let go and tumbled end over end, before sorting himself into a proper falling shape right before he hit the muddy lawn full speed. He was embedded in a crater with everything in a twenty foot radius covered in mud and grass.
Anselm fell at full speed until the last second, splitting into drugged out robins, and fluttering back into shape, looking down into the crater.
Anselm-
"Ups..."
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on May 28, 2016 1:28:08 GMT -8
ANOTHER NIGHT,
Eli phoned a friend! 
Ring, ring...
The phone rang several times before the line connected,
and there was hella wind noise on the other end.
Darren-
"-ow'd you get my number, narc?"
Anselm-
-- who is? Is it... *muffled* for Anselm...?
Eli -
"Uh-- It's Eli, dude. The Rojo. What are you up to?"
Anselm-
"It's-- oh oh-- *EXTREMELY LOUD CLATTER* ...whoa-- Whoa sorry."
There was some manic shuffling and a couple buttons got pressed.
Darren-
"I goddit back. It isn't for you. Fuck..."
Anselm-
"Okay? You sure it's not for Anselm?"
The volume fluctuated wildly, with the wind noise in the background
and some kind of quiet, irregular thumping. Music? Maybe?
Eli -
"Uhhhh you guys at a club? You're actin like a weirdo, dude."
Darren-
"Huh? Nah, we're... In a sad place. Fuckin'... Too real."
Anselm-
"Is it supposed to be sad now? I don't underztand."
Anselm-
"It's cool man, I got this. Anyway, we're just, like,
on a roof. Someplace. Ya wanna, uhh-- see it?"
Eli-
"Uh, I guess so. It's just been a while and I wondered if you still had that
amulet of Cerasus Malum. Gettin' kinda dicey around here, y'know."
Darren-
"Th wha-- Yes. Fuck, I don't care, I got it right h-- No big thing."
Anselm-
Hey can he find us on a phone? Like a hackermeister?"
Eli-
"Uhh, no. Unless you got like, Thrustr's GPS on or something but even
then... Like, what roof are we talking about? I can't fly yet, bruh."
Darren-
"Thruss- wha? Fuck. Shit. Can't fly, whatta
bummer. Guess you'll jus' hafta take my word for it."
Anselm-
"OK, vee are here. Can you find? It is OK. Come have fun."
Darren-
"Tsst, shush. Fuck. Uh. Hey, jus' sit it out, it's all good dogg."
Eli -
"Like... where are you though? Just you guys... hanging out
on a roof? I ain't one to judge, but got any landmarks?"
*EXTREMELY LOUD SHUFFLING*
Anselm-
"It's Vorship Kressina on hill by all zchools, ye--"
*EXTREMELY LOUD SHUFFLING*
Darren-
"No man! Bad dogg! Fuck dude, I guess it's jus', like... a mystery."
Anselm-
"Vas I wrong? Vhere are ve?"
Eli-
"A church? You guys getting pious or just planning arson?"
Darren-
"Okay, whatever, it's a church. What we do with it... is..."
*EXTREMELY LOUD GUNSHOT*"...That's all I know, dogg."
Eli -
"Err... not sure that amulet's gonna protect
you from bullets. Need some help, bruv?"
Darren-
"Oh, we're the ones shootin', like... things..."
*EXTREMELY LOUD GUNSHOT*Anselm-
"Friss Scheiße, tote Jungen! Hahaha!"
Eli -
"Ah, well, if I go out there, you're not gonna shoot me... right?"
Darren-
"Mmmmm-- not on me. Anyway, don' fly. You can't fly yet. Capisce?"
Anselm-
"Hey wait-- tell him to bring--"
*click* Eli had gotten directions enough from Anselm's little burst of coherence, but should he drop
in on those guys, when they were so clearly up to no good? Then again, if Darren had the
amulet, it would be a good idea to take it out of his irresponsible hands.Eli muddled through some internet researches to find that the guys were most likely at a
church in the expensive single household area near Yoony, a land of treelined lanes and tall
fences. He smelled gunpowder in the moist night air as he approached the building. It all
seemed like a terrible idea, but friends gotta be friends, yo. He found a discreet place to
clamber up to the roof, hoping he could dodge any errant bullets that might come his way.
On the roof, he saw distant movement, facing the backside of the church. A rifle went off,
followed by some low chuckles. As he drew closer, he heard tinny, squalling music (?) The
back side of the church faced an old graveyard with stone headstones and dying grass.   
Darren- Anselm-
"To begin! The dance! Of the dead! "Hahaha. 'Dhey die vorse 'dhan us.
Total loser."
These guys stood facing the other way from Eli. Anselm reloaded the rifle, and Darren took a swig
out of a paper covered bottle. A cheap stereo was balanced on a ledge, precariously close to falling,
and letting out some gawdawful industrial (?) music. (?) Anselm took a shot and blew a chunk
off a crumbling headstone.
Eli waited until the gun was lowered to call out.  
Eli-
"H-hey, dudes...! Don't shoot me..."
 
"!!!" "!!!"
 
Darren-
"Ya ain't come to stop us, have ya?
We're bustin' some caps on the spirits." Anselm-
" 'Dhey die too ztupid,
die forever like dummies."
Eli-
"Uh, that's cool. Nah, you can shoot all the
uh, spirits that you want. Looks like a real hoot."
Darren-
"Cool bruh."
Darren tossed the bottle into the air while Anselm took aim,
and shot it into an explosion of glass and... blood?  
Anselm-
"Oh, it's not empty. Ups..."
 
Darren-
"You see what GODDD did to us MAAAN?!"
Darren gaped off the roof, dumbfounded. Eli felt like he'd figured out the mystery. 
Eli-
"Ahh, you guys get some big weed or something?"
Anselm shoved the gun into Darren's hands and scuttled over to a pile of assorted junk near the
stereo-- Stacks of ye anciente CDs and a dented can of Red Ribbon. He held the can out to Eli. 
Darren-
Anselm- "Weeed... Yeah, that's it."
"Hey, it's virgin. Drink. You know.
Just beer, no vorry. I bring for you." It was filled about 1/4 of the way with lukewarm blood.
Well, it had beer anyway, didn't smell too off-color.
Not super appealing seeming, but hey, gotta smoke that peace pipe.
Eli-
"Thanks, dude. Uh, didn't know
you guys were pals... that's fun."
Anselm-
"I like it."
 
Darren-
"But are you cool, man? Really? We gotta do this shit. God wants
all these fuckers in heaven or hell. It's unacceptable ghost action."
  
Anselm-
"Elly-- ohhhhh haff you seen a ghost before? You haff to kill it,
it rides on a shoe inside. Can't get out of a carpet... ugh..."
Eli-
"You guys didn't get laced, did you?
Unscrupulous merchants out there, you know."
 
Anselm-
"Is dhis a 'no'?"
Darren fired a terrible shot that soared through the heavens.
Anselm-
"Vhat's a best music? I play hmmmmmm..." He dug through the CDs,
knocking them all over. "Rotten Boys-- oh yeah. It's a good noisy."
He fumbled into getting an obnoxious song like this on. The stereo speakers strained with the effort.
Darren-
"Essential man. They're it. They're the source, bro.
It's alright, Rojo. Not everyone can listen to the original blend."
Anselm-
"Hey Elly..."
He leaned close, smelling like wet earth and meaty blood.
Anselm-
"Cool hairs."
Eli-
"Thanks, man. I did it myself. Uhh...
So, shooting ghosts? Can you even do that?"
 
Anselm-
"You dhink a ghost doesn't exist?"
Darren-
"Oh, yeah? What are we shootin' then? Swamp gas?"
Anselm-
"Oh, you zay kann ve hit ghost vith bullet. Either vay.
It ztays far from us, safe man. It's zafe to be us."
Darren-
"Good. Make sure the safety's on."
Anselm-
"You got 'dhe gun."
Darren-
"Oh yeah. What part is the safety?"
He examined the side, wiggling pieces of metal.
Anselm-
"I dunno, I just shoot it, zafe enough for me."
Eli-
"Oh yeah, I forgot... you got really messed up
during that fight the other day? You guys aren't
on like... no, vamps don't need painkillers. Right?
Y'all doing okay?"
Anselm blinked a few times at Eli's words.
Anselm-
"Ohh yeah, ve okay, yeah? Check it out--"
He pulled off his jacket and pointed out a section
that had been sloppily stitched together. 
Anselm-
"It gets torn vith my arm... it's funny."
Darren-
"Blughhh... H-hey, you said it
was safe man. Can't trust you."
  
Anselm-
"It gets glued on, no problem. Got to cut 'dhe arm
off vhen Dorein gets in. Grow a new one, on god's side."
 
Darren-
"Yagh! Witchcraft is evil, it's against god, man."
Anselm-
"Hey, don't vorry about it. Vee kill 'dhe Teufel, purify every'dhing.
I dunno. Hey-- you a vitch, Elly? You got a vitch outfit."
Eli-
"Huh? I guess it might be like, 5% goth but not...
You didn't really get into witchcraft, right Dar?
After all we been through with the darkness..."
Anselm put his coat over his head and gathered
the sleeves under his chin like a very silly hat.
Darren-
"You got my number, dude. One must reckon on the godhead."
  
Anselm-
"Ohh it is? Huh. Okay it's free. I don't like
a god spirit inside, I keep out vith a gun."
 
Anselm-
"Hey Darren, give a gun."
 
Darren-
"Sure, come with all that kinda shit
and expect me to arm you like they don't
give out automatics at the loony bin."
Anselm-
"Hey man, I protect you from
dead boys, don't I? Already today?"
Darren-
"I guessssss"
He handed over the gun, and Anselm flopped on his belly with it,
pointing it off the edge of the roof like a sniper.
Eli-
"I dunno, man. Y'all are on some unpeaceful shit
right now. You sure all you're shooting are 'ghosts'?"
Anselm-
"Oh yeah, you can tell because 'dhey jealous of immortal!
Gotta take it out, at a root, portals to 'dhe underworld." He shot at another gravestone, with a loud crack. 
Darren-
"Good shot. But I think you have to hit them right in the gonad."
Anselm nodded solemnly, and lined up the next shot.  
Darren-
"Maybe next time, we have enough guns to share.
Woebetide anyone who tries to stop us. Although..."
He looked back at Eli.
Darren-
"How do we know you're on our side? Perhaps you should
perform an auto-de-fe. You ain't no heretic, are you?"
*GUNSHOT* 
Anselm-
"One less gonad, one less ghost."
Eli-
"Bruh, I'm not one to be a square but..."
 
Eli-
"You're on goofballs, aren't you!?"
Anselm-
"Vhy shouldn't ve be goof? Iss like... live fast,
die young, dhen live reeeeeeal slowlich."
Darren-
"Oh shit... What if-- what if life's really just passing you by..."
Anselm-
"Vee died. No life to pass..."
Darren-
"No-- yeah-- we died man. We're gone. We're just gone. There's
nothing there anymore. Seein' art. Hearin' that good music..."
A saxophone had been squalling for 2 and a half minutes straight.
Darren-
"You know, the guy who played that saxophone,
he's dead! He can't see a concert! He can't see one!"
Anselm-
"Shit... oh no. Ohhh no. How do vee see anything..."
He rolled on to his back suddenly, tangling with the gun for
a moment and letting his sunglasses slip below his nose.
Anselm-
"Are vee 'dhe ghosts?!"
 
Darren-
"Yeah! That makes sense man. That makes
total sense. Have we been shooting ourselves?" Anselm made a feeble wave toward his crotch,
but didn't have the energy to make it there.
Anselm-
"I don't know... vhat about gonads...
I need it. Looks veird vithout--"
A block away, a siren blared and colorful lights flashed in the darkness.
Anselm-
"Verdammtes Schwein Männer!"
 
Darren-
"Oh shit! Pigs, man!"
Anselm-
"Eh who cares, vee got a gun.
'Dhey only got a banana. 'Eh wot.' "
Eli-
"Oh, shit! Uh-- uh, you guys gotta
get out of here...! Like, is there a back way?";
Darren-
"There better be! They got infrared beams that'll
give ya pink-eye! It's 'cause the government!"
Anselm-
"No way, I don't skate, I give a 'pow pow'
tell 'dhem to back off, vee too busy.
Don't need piggie pigs."
Anselm stumbled to his feet, arranging his garments in the slowest ways possible.
The music continued to squall, and the sirens arrived in the church parking lot.
Lights strobed from below and turned the roof into a garish dance club.
Darren skittered up against a chimney pipe and looked around wildly.
Darren-
"It's happening! The jig is up!"
Anselm tottered closer to the edge of the roof.
Anselm-
"Grunz grunz! Do you understand
international piggie pig? "
 
Eli-
"No no, dude! Stop...!"
He tried to catch Anselm under the arms and pull him away from the edge.
Anselm-
"Nah, nah... I just gonna shoot 'dhem a little.
Not on, just next to, don't vorry...
Just in a blinky blinks... Too much flashing."
 
Darren-
"Eli! Watch out bruh! Gun safety! If ya touch
his shoulder, he might go off! He might explode
in yer face like a grenade!"
Anselm-
"No no no, you can't grab it. It's made of smoke, can't touch.
Falls apart to pieces... Gotta make it solid, take off a lights."
Anselm was unaware of Eli's approach. It was easy to grab him, as he was neither
strong nor fast in his current state. He weighed about the same as a stretched out
bag of flour. He flailed weakly and dropped the gun.
Anselm-
"Whoa, a ghost got! Darren, ugh,
gotta get it! Hilf mir!"
Darren-
"Don't explode bro! Don't explode!"
COP VOICE FROM BELOW-
"Hey! You up there!"
Eli-
"Shhh, we gotta go, man! C'mon...!"
He tried to drag the floppy guy away from the cops, to the other side of the roof.
Anselm seemed to let himself be dragged, his body limp and boots clunking over
the roof tiles. The cops were all gathered on the opposite side of the building, not
yet trying to get around the tall iron gates. The unlit graveyard drew out into
the darkness, some scraggly woods in the distance.
Anselm-
"Darren, help! Pulls me to 'dhe undervorld!
Ghost revenge! Vee don't take it serious!"
Darren-
"Nah dude, nah dude! That's not a ghost, man!
That's not a ghost! You're gonna be okay, we're
gonna be okay, right?"
He followed with a shuffling gait, tucking the noisy
stereo under one arm. Anselm's head lolled feebly.
Anselm-
"No! No no no! I don't vant to go in a grave!
It's too quiet! Too much dirt, only need a little!
I zorry to die! I don't mean to! Nooo don't bury!"
Darren-
"It's cool, bro! It's no ghost! It's no ghost! You'll
keep us safe from ghosts, right Eli? You're all sober
'n' shit. Designated ghost puncher."
Eli-
"Big time, man. C'mon, sober up, guys!"
He got to the edge of the roof and considered just tossing the guy
overboard. Coppish noises abounded, moving this way and that,
saying things, grunz grunz. From Eli's back,
Anselm-
♪♫ Oh oh, bis zum Grab,
unter sterbende Gras
Geister verschlingen ... ♪♫
Anselm-
♪♫ Lass mich nicht sterben,
fallen in die Unterwelt...
Oh oh, Geister erheben,
treffen mich dort ... ♪♫
Eli didn't recognize it, probably some ye
anciente Grauwave. Darren didn't get it either.
 
Darren-
"If ... If you say so... Oh man oh man..."
Eli-
"Err, here we go-- Oopsa daisy..."
He tossed Anselm off the roof and was ready to shove Darren if he didn't join him. 
Anselm-
"Vas ist--?!"
Anselm-
♪♫ Oh oh töten das Blinky Blinks ...
Polizei wollen eine Banane... ♪♫
Darren-
"ohgodohgodohgod!"
Eli had those boys groundward, but cops were out waving lights
around, and they were too high to make proper use of shadow powers.
Make for the graveyard?
He made a break for it, looking for a place to hide. Damn, he couldn't haul
these dudes around by himself, even if they did weigh as much as a bag of
apples. He wrangled Anselm again. The dude flapped in the breeze.
Eli-
"Let's get to the woods..."
Darren-
"Oh man oh man we are so fucked!"
The cops were shining a strobing light out over
the tomb stones. Anselm finally stopped singing.
Anselm-
"OH! Vee hiding from a ghost?!
Hey-- it helps!"
Eli found himself holding a little deer instead of a scrawny dude. 
Anselm-
"Eohhh!"
Darren scrambled around, squeezing behind a tombstone. 
Darren-
"Oh shit! He got pinkeye! That's what pinkeye looks like, right?
Shit, I dunno, I don't know anything! How do I let myself get
into these situations?!"
Darren tried to make himself as small as possible, crunching and scrunching
until bits of fluff popped loose, feathers floating in Eli's shadows, and Darren
had reduced himself to the size of a bread loaf. 
Darren-
"Oooh..."
Eli- Anselm-
"..........!" "*snuff*" Eli gaped in mute terror at this uncanny shit. But he held on tight to the little deer and
kept running. Anselm shifted weakly, his very long, slender legs hanging awkwardly
from Eli's arms. The owl trembled and scrambled between shadows, crashing a lot.
Keen vampire senses could hear cops behind them.
Cop Voice-
"Huh. Does this damage look fresh to you?"
Cop Radio-
"-tatus on 452 at Saunders and 381. Four reporting in, suspect not sighte-"
Cop Two-
"Yeah. God damn who the hell desecrates graves?"
Cop One-
"World class turds. Prob'ly fuckin' kids."
Cop Two-
"Fuckin' kids, Grady. Wish they'd tripped over their asses on the way out."
Cop One-
"Oh yeah. I'd give 'em a world-class ass-kicking."
Cop Two-
"Fuckin' A, Grady."
Eli found a place to hide behind a tree and crouched low. He held the deer
like it was a runaway cat. Suddenly, it started struggling in a panic!
Grady-
"Huh. You feel that?"
Cop Two-
"Yeah... Something... Fucky. There's somebody out here, I know it."
Darren owl hunched, shuddered, rolled on the ground and took off in a blast of feathers.
Eli saw taser wires lash at it ineffectually, but the owl looked like it was really bad at
flying, bouncing off tombstones and flapping madly as it went.
Cop Two-
"HaHA!"
Then they were on Eli! A taser shot sent the little deer a' flailin' and
it busted free! It sprang off headstones, bouncing around and kicking.
Anselm-
"Eohhh! Eohhhh!!"
Eli-
"...!!"
Oh no, it really was like the time the cat got in the backyard! Eli dashed back, further
the trees. What could he do, man? He didn't want to find out what getting tazed was like. The cops lurched fully into view, AIEE!
Grady-
"Aww, fuckin' cute ass animals, ha."
Cop 2-
"Whaddaya doin' with those animals,
ya perv!? We're gonna zap ya!"
Eli-
"Ew."
He scrambled back, deeper into the woods, yaugh, creepy coppers!
If only he could go faster, find somewhere to hide...!
Grady-
"HaHA! Get that!"
Cop 2-
"GOTCHA!"
Cop 2 deployed his taser, and Eli instinctually did a shadow streak!
First time for the guy, he felt a burst of speed just ahead of the stinging
weapon, cold and ethereal, like he'd just slipped into a wormhole
through space.
A pensive deer lurked in the treeline a few dozen feet away, an owl on its back.
Cop 2-
Grady- "The fuck did the perv go?"
"We should see if we can
find the animals and zap them again.
It's so cute when they're in pain! Hahaha!"
Eli-
"Damn, cops really don't have our best interests at heart..."
He tried to get into position to watch the mayhem unfold. It didn't take long. The deer
burst on to the scene with supernatural quickness, jump-kicking Grady with a tiny hoof.
His owl-rider hooted, trying to keep a grip on his noble steed.
  Grady- "Ow! God damn it!" It wasn't very effective. Anselm-deer ran around, kicking off the
tombstones erratically, the owl keeping a grip on his shaggy fur.
Darren- Anselm-
"Hoo hoo!" "Ehhhh!"
Eli-
"Wish I could be more amused by this..."
Eli-
"Wait, cute animals and police brutality...
Likes & Subscribes are all mine."
Tail pinned by a police boot!
Cop 2-
"HA! You sunuvabitch. I'm gonna
make you into a hat for my daughter."
 
Grady-
"Eat club, ya freaky goat!"
Assault on deer!
Ouch! Anselm-deer-goat got a whack in the rump that didn't feel too good. Darren-owl
narrowly missed getting the upswing, letting loose a few fluffy feathers as they leapt around.
Anselm-
*Boing boing boing*
He hopped around Grady's feet nimbly, as Darren-Owl flapped his powerful wings.
Eli-
"Omigod, did you all see that?"
He held the phone steady-- he was gonna blow the lid off this whole animal abuse thing! Somehow the deer loosened the boot clamp enough to escape.
Cop 2-
"AUGGGGH!"
The cops went on a rampage, indulging their piggish
peccadillo. They whacked at everything in sight.
Grady-
"FUCK THIS FUNNY FARM!" Cop 2-
"STOMPEM KILLEM AUGHH!"
The animals went buckwild, all impaired one way or another, but ultimately successful
in escape. Eli was shadowed up, hidden in the treeline. The cops were searching another
part of the church grounds. Did he dare look for Darren and Anselm?
He wandered around, listening carefully for them wild boyz.
It didn't take too long, and he found them in those trees... 
Anselm-
"Hoo, 'dhink vee outrun dhem.
Darren- Pigs get distract by a truffle."
"Hoooo"
The owl gestured with a wing in a crude
approximation of an inquisitive hand gesture.
Anselm-
"Damn, how can ve talk?"
The owl stomped its foot. 
Darren-
"Hoo! Hoooo!"
Eli rolled up, glad they weren't packing heat anymore.
Eli-
"Damn, dudes, that was intense!
You'll have to check out the footage later."
 
Darren- Anselm-
"Hoooooo! Hoo." "Darren is an owl still. Vake up!
Grow legs, veird guy."
Eli-
"I didn't know you could just do that...
Maybe you didn't either, Dar."
Eli-
"Is he stuck like that now?"
Anselm-
"I don't dhink zo, it's like--"
The owl stomped its feet.  
Anselm-
"Aw, you vant me to hold it?
Darren- Okay, it's fun and soft. "
"Hoo!!"
He attempted to scoop up the bird. It flapped from side to side,
looking like its wings were broken, making a rattling sound. 
Anselm-
"Oh, you cann't fly yet... Hm.
Darren- Maybe it's too hard still."
*nods vigorously*
Eli-
"Maybe we could call Helen to help?"
Darren- Anselm-
"*shakes head*" "Maybe I have. I can turn into
some birds. Darren, maybe I teach
you if you don't eat Anselm birds! Come
get on a shoulder, be animal friend." Anselm took off his coat and knelt. The owl looked to the side,
embarrassed, and reluctantly walked up Anselm's arm.
Anselm-
"Ouch! Pokey toes. Huh... Guess to valk now...
Aw man, can't believe pigs get on our case.
Vhat you say about, bootage?"
He settled on to the shoulder and let out
a rattling hiss at the prospect of the popo.
Eli-
"Damn, dudes. I can't believe I had to stop y'all
from shooting cops tonight. That's not even a
cause I'm passionate about. Now Darren's an owl
on goofballs and I can't believe I'm saying this..."
 
Eli-
"For real tho, no goofballs. I'm out.
Good luck with the whole bird thing..."
Anselm-
"Vhat? Huh? Shit... Dhere he goes..."
Anselm-
"Hey it's cool, I don't know you are an owl before.
Let's see, how to become a person... Vell, you cann
vait until morning..."
Darren-
"*angry bloo, shaking
from side to side*"
Anselm-
"Hm, how I did it? 'Dhink of being big!
Get tall. Oh-- you know how to make a tooth
come out, right?"
Darren thought of tying a string around a tooth and tying
it to a doorknob and again, made noises of protestation.
"Like a vampire tooth! You know,
to drink blood. Get scary eyes."
Darren wished he could roll his eyes, instead, he rolled his head.
Anselm-
"I don't know bird vords. Anyway, you 'dhink on it.
Make a tooth come out, put it back in. It's like 'dhat."
The owl managed to sigh.
Anselm-
"Alright, alright. Do it Darren's vay. " The owl settled into place and watched Anselm's feet as he walked.
They finally made it out of the woods, and into the winding suburban
streets that were easier to navigate, and track down their respective rides.
Anselm-
" 'Dhanks for not pecking my ear. So, you vant to be a man
now? Or you come to Anselm's home and sleep in dirts."
The owl hopped off Anselm's shoulder, spiraled in the air
like a dead leaf and ran face first into the ground.
Anselm-
"Aww! Don't vorry, vee practice it..."
Anselm crouched to see what the owl would do.
The owl was appraising him.
Anselm-
"Hm, schreischrei meine Eule. You need Anselm's help?"
The owl shook himself out again, and nodded.
Anselm-
"Okay, stand up big! Put out arms like man arms."
He mimed it. The owl complied, looking quite silly.
Anselm-
"Good, now get tall! You can't reach so you stretch up!"
The owl strained to get taller, looking silly again.
Darren-
"Weck weck weck!"
Anselm-
"Hm, harder 'dhan I remember. Talk a valk,
come to Anselm like a person does."
He took a step back and beckoned like he was teaching a baby to walk
for the first time. The owl sighed again, and took its waddling steps.
Anselm-
"At least you learn to move more. Ummm...Maybe..."
He held his coat in his hands and furrowed his brow for a moment.
"How about I put a coat on you, and you haff to get out?"
The bird bounced away and whanged its head on a car bumper in frustration.
Anselm-
"Aww! Poor Eule. Vell, you do it like a bicycle.
Only one time to do and 'dhen it's easy."
Darren flopped on the concrete and crawled part of
the way under the car, shaking around as he went.
Anselm-
"You going to get dirty! Ohhh maybe to haff privacy."
He heard flopping and frustrated bloo bloo noises mixed with
hoarse straining. Anselm became a flock of robins in solidarity.
Anselm-
Chip! Bip bip!
They hopped around the car, with encouraging cheeps. The hoarse cries began to
prevail and the paper-like thwap of feathers turned into a fleshier sound.
Anselm-
Chip chip chip!
At last, Darren emerged from under the car.
Darren-
"Ugh! What a pain!"
The little birds swarmed his shoulders, bouncing around happily.
Darren-
"Yeah yeah. If you say so."
Anselm-
"Chip!"
Not many nights thereafter, Darren, Anselm, and Heroin Harry were making
the scene on the house party circuit, giving out free heroins like villains in an
educational TV drama. The scene was something about like such...
 
Darren-
"Aw yeah, we bad." Anselm-
Heroin Harry- "Yeah, vee haff a cool sunglass."
"Speak for yer damn
selves. I'm a moral paragon."
They went into the party.
They saw guys and girls dancin'.
 
Nerdlinger-
"Huh. Who're those guys?" Wad of Nerd-
"That's Darren from The Belfries."
  
Darren-
"Some nerds need to get low." Anselm-
"Eheheh... yes. Zo pink..."
  
Darren-
"Yeah nerds, it's the famous Darren.
Wanna be cool like me? Ya seem
a little uptight..."
Anselm-
"Yeah, get a sunglass not a nerd glass."
Nerdlinger-
"Oh we're cool. Gonna hit
a phat phatty in like ten." Wad of Nerd-
"Are you back on H? That's so cool!"
  
Anselm-
Heroin Harry- "Yeah, it's zuper cool. You be cool too... "
"Oh, business." Darren-
"That's the spirit. Way cooler than that stank shit."
Wad of Nerd-
"Haha, hoo, not for me. I'm not cool
enough to do H. I just like to see great
Nerdlinger- artists going back to the well of their
"He does not speak for me." inspiration."
 
Heroin Harry- Anselm-
"These fuckin' squares "Maybe heroin makes you a cool.
are muckrakers. Can't Darren- Vee haff a good deal for you, zpecial..."
trust 'em." "C'mon nerdlinger,
go to cool school. First second and
third time are on me."
Nerdlinger- Wad of Nerd-
"Wow, that's expensive as hell." "Amazing! I just might hafta..."
Anselm-
Darren- "Darren is very generous...
"We're painting the Just hang out vith us, no problem."
town heroin brown..."
Nerdlinger didn't bite,
but Wad of Nerd was left with a black balloon and a serious life choice.
The guys were just getting into the place so they kept rollin'.
But someone was on to them. Was the jig up?
 Meanwhile, Heroin Harry left
Paolo- those cats holding the bag so he
"Oh no bro... nooooo..." could find new paying customers...
 
Darren-
"We gotta get some guys to shoot
up without hesitation, so we Anselm-
can get this low on the road." "Hey 'dhis one here looks good.
Wunderschöne Augen, very healthy."
  
Darren-
"Oh hell to the naw, what Anselm-
the fuck? Bail, bail!" "Hi! Hi, you vant drugs?
Vhat's 'bail' mean?"
Paolo-
"Oh man, oh no. Darren, I saw Heroin Harry, man. I saw you."
Darren-
"NO MAN! Just, no, maaaan!" Anselm-
"Oh you know our friend?
He iss vizard for drugs. Hehe..."
Paolo-
"No bro, nooo! You coulda made it out man, you were out!"
 
Darren-
"If you fuck with me tonight
Paolo, I'm gonna do like ten
times as much! I swear to Anselm-
shit, dude! To shit!" "Don't vorry, he doesn't get addict.
It's only for a little fun."
Paolo-
"How can you say that? It's the worst, he's an addict!
Oh, dude, I mean, what do you mean by fuckin' with
you? Duuude, you gotta expect people to say they care!"
Darren-
"For every syllable you utter past
this point, verbal or non-verbal,
will be another year that I stay
on H - assuming I live that long!" Anselm-
"Aw, you are a nice friend.
But he iss fine, vee just haff fun,
no problem. It's a great time!"
Paolo-
"But - but! ..."
BLUH a BLUH a BLUH ... BLUhuhu ... blu
 
Darren-
"Hope I don't run outta money
before I get all those years in." Anselm-
"Vee get money easy. Maybe Harry
giffs us some if we do a good job!
'Dhen people buy for selves,
and it's free! "
Darren-
"Goin' full pusher? Why not..?"
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on May 28, 2016 1:41:55 GMT -8
∆§Indea§∆ -- gonna start postin' dis stuff, let me know if you'd like any edits! One evening, August was up to had been training with the other vampire babies all night. Working on his shadows and other skillz so he wouldn't suck quite so much the next time Badboy came a knocking...
The sun was almost coming up, and Anselm wasn't home yet. Lately he'd been staying out extra late and shirking whatever chores he had, particularly whatever that weird thing Demetri wanted him to do. August was nearly in bed when he heard the clang of the front door and heavy feet lumbering around. A cell phone chimed.
Anselm-
"...*groan* Leave alone..."
August had been training with the other vampire babies all night. Working on his shadows and other skillz so he wouldn't suck quite so much the next time Badboy came a knocking.
August poked his head out.  
August-
"Lawdy are ya okay, Ans. Ya look bushwhacked, like totally cactus.
What in heck have ya been doing?"
Anselm-
"Waugh!"
August's non-stealthy approach startled him so much he bowled over backwards on a stool, and then lay limply on his back.
Anselm-
"Uhhh... I'm zpiky, not a cactus...?"
 
August-
"Nah I mean ya looked wrecked. The only time I've seen a vampire
look worse was when Chloë showed us her dead form.
Did ya drink someone real sick?"
Anselm-
"I'm still dead, don't vorry..."
He shifted his legs a bit, but didn't get up.
Anselm-
"No I... I'm cool. You're cool.
Yeah, cool guys..."
His phone chimed.
Anselm-
"Yahh! Shut it up! Clock follows me!"
  
August-
"That's ya phone. Didn't Cam show ya how to put it on silent?
Ain't no clocks chasing ya, though I've seen a shifty book case or two. "
August moved closer to the Anselm strangeness. 
August-
"Do ya need a hand up, coo coo man?"
Anselm lolled around on his back and gave August a perhaps, overly-sensitive look before it washed into blando sleepiness.
Anselm-
"I'm a cuckoo..."
 
August-
"I ain't gonna argue with ya there. I know Demetri did a runner on ya but ya gotta stay strong, Ans."
He reached out for August's hand, but just held it with no effort to pull himself up.
Anselm-
"August... Uhhhhh.... I vant curly hair."
August held Anselm's hand firmly and hauled him up. He held onto Anselm in case he decided to fall down again.
 
August-
"Maybe we can get Janice to put ya hair in curlers or something.
One of me girl friends tried to straighten me hair but I went
in the rain and all I got was a weird afro."
Anselm stayed totally limp, but luckily his body weighed next to nothing so he was very easy to haul up. He leaned against August like an uncomfortably spiky sack of flour. He smelled like someone had washed out a butcher's shop with vinegar.
Anselm-
"Does it vork? I haff nice curly hair?
Augusssssttttt....  "
August-
"Sure, I mean girls have been doing it for yonks so it must? Uh hambalos, ya don't smell too good.
Have you been digging up bodies for ghouls? Ya haven't drunk a dead person have ya?
Maybe we should get ya to bed..."
August started gently herding Anselm towards his dirt bed, trying not to get spiked or whatever Anselm had rolled in on himself. Anselm was pretty easy to haul, but his lanky limbs kept hooking on the various chairs and stools around the studio, dragging along with him.
Anselm-
"August... you died, it's sad! It's zo sad...
I don't vant you to be dead...
*drag drag* a stool fell over.
Anselm-
"Vhat if vee never get a Badboy,
alvays fighting forever...
Chores... alvays... no parties...
Anselm-
"Vhat if Badboy steals a movie?!
Vee haff to find to curse but vee can't find?!"
Anselm-
"Vhat if Random Lloyd becomes a Badboy?!
Two Badboys?! Three?!"
August-
"Lawdamimbo, ya as wired as a bug in june if I ever. I'm only mostly dead, Ans.
I ain't dead dead. Don't worry about all that stuff we'll work it out if it happens.
Think peaceful thoughts, like a calm ocean."
August continued bravely herding Ans onwards leaving the fallen furniture behind them.
 
August-
"Ugh we can clean this mess up tomorrow."
August got him through the doorway to his room, and rolled him on to his tarp. He laid limp, the only non-corpsey part of him a comically tragic expression.
Anselm-
"August, do vee really build a beach soon?
I vant to surf vith you...  "
August-
"We will surf al la Bomba nights, Ans. It will be epic. It'll be the best darn fake beach there ever was. Heat lamps and everything. We will be beached as. Cross me heart and hope to die."
Anselm gave him that overly sensitive expression again, just as the sucky, sucky feeling of the sun cresting the horizon hit them both. August watched him turn extra dead, which was still a creepy sight. Face going slack and eyes glazing over. Ugh, was that how he looked when he was 'asleep?' Now he just had to trudge back to bed and pick up the furniture in the evening.  August decided to try to remind himself to close his eyes before he fell, it was more dignified. He was tempted just to drop dead on the floor. Where was his caring buddy to guide him back to bed? He trudged to his room barely making it before he went extra dead on the pillow himself.
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on May 29, 2016 21:56:24 GMT -8
The day slipped by like nothing, and at least August felt reasonably refreshed in the 'morning.' The wreckage in the studio was a little more annoying than previous imagined, the trash bin laying on its side with plastic red cups rolling around the floor, dribbling out ancient blood leavings. That vinegar smell had at least cleared up. Cameron and Tristan were stirring in their rooms, getting dressed or whatever it was they got up to when they woke. As predicted, there was no sound of movement behind the door with the shower curtain.
A woolly Camerosaurus appeared.
 
Cameron-
"Bro, man... That training last night
got me more thirsty than I expected.
We gotta go out tonight."
August was righting all the furniture leaving the gross trash part until the end.   
August
"No worries, hambalos. Ya feel like giving me a hand here? I reckon Ans might need
a pick me up too. He came in here last night completely blotto, he looked totally wrecked.
I dunno what he was doing last night but he went through the mill a few times for sure."
Cameron-
"Sure, man, cool..."
Cam folded his arms for a moment considering
the yucky bits, then grabbed the cleaners 'n' such.
Tristan emerged from his corner of the universe. 
Tristan-
"What is up, my hambalos?"
August-
"Morning, Tris. Yeah, Ans got into a bit of a confuffle last night which we're righting
but Cam wants to go get something to eat. His tummy is rumbling."
  
Tristan-
"Oh yeah, we can do the club so much."
Cameron-
"Thanks, man. I'm gonna be all business
until I'm good, then maybe I can cut loose...
So, uh, Anselm was, like, impaired last night?
I had drug blood and it ain't much of a high.
How'd he pull that off?"
 
August-
" Me too. Not sure but he was funny right up until he went dead. Maybe it's a prog thing?
Like a special power or something? I dunno."
Cameron-
"Huh. Well, I'll just clean 'til it's
go time and toss some stuff on.
  
Tristan-
"Lat's wake up an Anselm up, see if hanged over is a thing."
Tristan strolled toward the Anselmic region of dark darkness.
 
August-
"Alright but let's be gentle alright? We don't wanna set the fella into a panic."
August followed Tristan tip-toeing behind him.Anselm was still lying fully dressed in the dirt, as he was in the morning when August left him. He didn't smell as bad, at least.
Anselm-
"Oh no, no... don't vant to go to vork. No more..."
Tristan-
"Good news, than. You are dead guy, no works!"
August-
"Yeah  work is out forever! No more selling souls for checks!
Going pony for a dime just to eat a meat pie!"
August-
"Sorry I got carried away. We're gonna go clubbing and get some blood!"
Anselm looked like he might be about to be annoyed by the cheerfulness, then made that extra sensitive face. 
Anselm-
"Ahhh, August, Drisdan, good friends...
You give a dirty boy hug?
It's too much, too much everything...!"
He was, indeed, literally dirt-y.
August would give an awkward hug while trying to save his shirt at the same time. It was okay though, he had another just like it.
August-
"Huh I guess he does have a hangover of sorts heh. At least ya don't look as bad as last night. Oooweee ya were a wreck. Maybe ya need a hair of the dog but without the drug bit?"
Tristan-
"Awww, I'm sorry it's too hard night huh?
Am I too many mans in here? I can go."
Anselm appreciated August's awkward hug, then made grabby kitten hands at Tristan.
Anselm-
"No no, every hug needed! Please! "
Tristan-
"I can do this!"
Anselm's phone rang. 
Anselm-
"Ohhh it's Demetri for vork... I don't vant to..."
As usual lately, he handed his phone to August. The number was labeled "DARREN"
August shook his head with a grin and answered the phone. 
August-
"Hey Dazza. You've called Ans' phone. I'm his super cool secretary extraordinaire!
Ans is a little jumpy but I'm sure he'll talk to ya."
Darren-
"AH! Yeah. Uh-huh. Is the line secure? Are you being watched?" Anselm staggered to his feet and gave Tristan a flimsy hug, laying his head against Tristan's shoulder weakly, with no signs of moving.
Anselm-
"Ohh Dazzle... I'm vatching..." Tristan-
"Aw you... How much does
awake takes to happen?"
August-
"Yeah, Tristan is watching and Ans but I reckon it's safe. Are ya being followed? Is it a crazed fan or a paparazzi?"
August looked worriedly at Anselm.
August-
"What in blazers did ya get up to last night?
Darren-
"Nothin' man, nothin' wroooong. Ya just gotta be aware,
The Man will take you down for doin' nothin' at all.
Keep it real. Hook it up?"
 
Anselm-
"Dazzle says it's time to
party again? I'm ready
I guess, just take dirts off... Tristan-
a little bit... " "I guass if you gotta."
August-
"I'm not doing nothing! I swear! Hook up with what? Are you and Ans like... together?
Well we were planning on going clubbing, wanna come with?"
August-
"He wants to hook up?"
Darren-
"What? In spite of his neurological disadvantages,
Anselm is very important to my... plans. I shall require
his services presently. Hook me to him via cellular device."
Anselm-
"Huh? I hook up vith him if Tristan-
he asks, it's okay." "He sound like, even weirder than usuals."
Anselm regretfully extricated himself off of Tristan's person to reach for the phone.
August-
"Alright, he ain't usually like this though. Hook away, hambalos."
August handed the phone over to Anselm.Anselm nodded to August and Tristan, and walked just outside the door. It wouldn't matter where anyone was with their super powered hearing anyway.Anselm -
"Hey it's time now? Vhere vee go tonight?"
Darren -
"Yoony again. You know it's the ashram."
Anselm -
"Okay, I don't haff a bottle now, you get out of a trash or zomething?"
Darren -
"Uh... naw. I mean, have some class, you foreign dirt merchant."
Anselm -
"Hey don't mess vith me if you vant to hook up! Go buy at a fancy bottle store for fancy guys."
Darren -
"Sorry, sorry... Disculpe, what's the word you guys do?"
Anselm -
" 'Es tut mir leid,' It does you pain, because you hurt Anselm's heart."
Darren -
"Well damn, that's accurate enough I guess. I'll get the glass and you get a move on.
I'll pick you up in the hot rod, unless you still wanna bike it out."
Anselm -
"I accept you. Okay, I go on a bike now, got to shake dirts off and I go."
Darren -
"Alright... let's hit this shit. See you." Anselm peeked in behind the shower curtain.
Anselm-
"I got to go, 'dhanks for hugs. Probably see you tonight or tomorrow."
He took his coat off and shook away some of the clots of dirt.
August-
"Awww alright, Ans. Uh take care of ya self okay? Maybe go lighter on whatever ya getting on."
August-
"More blood for us I guess. Huh, Tris? Let's go have some fun y'all. "
Anselm-
"Ohhh yeah, sure. Maybe! Byebye..."
Tristan-
"Good luck my guy. Yeah, August, we do thats..."
Thus, did they part ways, Anselm getting at least half of the dirt
wiped off before he hopped on the bike and took off for parts unknown...
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on May 31, 2016 1:14:41 GMT -8
MEANWHILE,
August and his friends ended up in a smallish club on the outskirts of the university district. It was in part of the 'hip' part of town where twenty somethings went to feel a little more grown up. During the day, it was spotted with small hipster cafes and shops that sold things that nobody really wanted but brought for other people as presents. Like paperweights made to look like old movie stars or clocks based on the art of some dead painter. During the nigh At nighttime there were some friendly clubs where they served designer beers but most patrons just took the cheap stuff on tap. All around were offices hidden in the aura of cool like some kind of camouflage for yuppies.
The club they were in was called 'The lazy kitten', layers of band posters held up the walls and the smell of cigarette and something a little greener perfumed throughout. It sat in the basement of one of the 'office' buildings and worked as a cafe during the day. A decent sized stage sat on one end and on the other was the bar. Small tables sat around the edge of a dance floor. The wooden floor boards were well beaten and folks danced despite the lack of room. It was as cosy as a club in a basement could be. The sound system beat out a mix of alternative hipster jives and the occasional old classic. August liked it because they occasionally played 'The Belfries' and other Jangle-core bands.
August was dancing it up and waiting for a cute girl to fall into his monotreme seal web. 
He was off on his own while Cam tried his own kinda moves in one place, and Tris was already up to no good completely out of sight, when his phone signaled a text message.PAOLO:
August hey. Remember me dude? 
August-
"Pfff course I remember!"
August stopped his dancing and texted Paolo back immediately.
AUGUST:
Of course buddy!  Only the member of one the best bands ever.
How can I help?
PAOLO:
Aww! Thanks dude. Man. It's about the band. It's Darren dude.
You still know Darren rite?
AUGUST:
Yeah, secondhand. He's been hanging out with me roommate a lot.
I think they R 2gether 2nite. Hooking up. What about the band?? 
PAOLO:
Aw I shouldn't have got ur hopes up. The band is still x.x I meant
just about dar. Oh man. Ur roomie too?
AUGUST:
What's the sitch? What do ya mean my roomie 2? My roomie 2, what?
R they in trouble?
PAOLO:
U don't even kno? Oh man. Im so sorry 2 hav 2 b the 1 to tell u.
Dar is back on the smack. So ur roomie must be 2! 
August was way confused, vampires couldn't get addicted right. He'd only been high on ecstasy for barely half an hour.
AUGUST:
Damn. No good. How? Did U C them? Where R they?
August felt a little sick, how did you stop a vampire from taking smack. He couldn't send them to rehab. He waited tensely for a reply.
PAOLO:
Im so sorry man. Ur roommate is a skinny foreigner? Ummm I saw them last night at a party.
dar says hes gonna be on H for years! I dunno what 2 do, how bad is it man? Is it real bad?
AUGUST:
That's him. I dunno man. Will try 2 fix it. How did he get off H B4?
PAOLO:
O this friend of mine is so sweet, shes got these spiritual techniques? Im not up on it all
but I guess it works wonders. I dunno if we can get him back tho, I dont know if hes
2 far gone this time What do u think, would an intervention work??
AUGUST:
Worth trying. We can't leave them like this. I just hope they don't h8 us too much 4 it.
Never done 1 b4 tho. Might need sum help. We have 2 find them 2. My roomie will
come home eventually but not Darren. I have friends who might B able to help 2.
Friends of my roomie.
PAOLO:
Oh dude that is so good 2 hear.  What should we do? I saw them at a party in yoony
last nite but I dunno where they r 2nite. Dar wont listen 2 me but may b your rommate?
I dunno man ill do whatever 2 help
AUGUST:
Yoony? OMG they mentioned that 2nite. Like an ashram?Anymore deets? Maybe u're
friend might help? I'll try my folk. Good luck. I'll go there and C wat I can do.
PAOLO:
OK bro, thx a lot! Stay in touch.
August sent off a few more texts,To: JANICE
Hi Jan. I think Ans might B in trouble. Doing lots of H in a bad way with D.
Might need intervention? How do Vamps become addicts? I thought drugs don't
last long enough. <3 August Janice replied immediately.
JANICE:
Oh man I thought that might happen. Now I feel guilty for kinda sorta
helping w/ that... Sorry. He's done that a couple of times b4. You don't get addicted
the same way but I guess he has a good time with it? I don't get it myself.
Probs just got himself in a weird state o' mind about something.
I can talk to him but u know how he can be just like 'uh huh' and do whatever.
Got any hot ideas?
AUGUST:
He's been going at it for 2nights. He's completely out of it all the time tho. I am worried.
H is not a fun drug, I've seen lots of scary films, it always ends bad. Vampire tho.
Should I leave him 2 it tho it makes me sad? I don't want 2 b bad friend. I was hoping
u would kno. Get him on lighter drug, talk 2 him? Distract? How did he get off last time?
<3 August.
JANICE:
Awwwww you're such a sweetie. Hm, maybe we can distract him somehow.
He had a good time the other day w/ the movie and that wholesome stuff.
Sometimes he just falls into a bad crowd, maybe we get him to stop hanging
with that ragamuffin guy? He seems pretty dead set on that relationship tho. 
Boy's got the weirdest tastes, I swear. Yeah maybe talking 2 him would help,
he likes u a lot, but... well, he can be kind of annoying w/ that stuff so I dunno.
I'd be totally willing to set up a party, u kno I don't need an excuse for that, lol.
What would be cool? Ya kno normally we'd party it up in fairly ummm
saucy ways but I bet we can think of something more tame. Ideas?
AUGUST:
Maybe he needs saucy? U guys can do separate sex party but also less saucy 1?
Like with funner stuff like alcohol or something not so dreary. We can do Dancing
and silly games. Last time we did seance but might B funner with u guys.
Maybe I should try talking as well? I know kinda where they R. Darren doesn't like
me much tho, I'm 2 big a fan of his band. I will get back 2 u. <3 August
JANICE:
LOL now it's 2 parties? Haha, I got no probs w/ that,
we'll see if he's in the mood. Sometimes that stuff can kinda kill yr...
uh, desire...  U know some cool people to invite? It's p. convenient
to have mostly Vs, but if you know cool humans they can fill the party out.
We got our crew of course, but the other old folx are total snoozers. 
AUGUST:
Heh Y would u take a drug that does that? Maybe make it a surprise B4 he has
chance 2 take H. I'll prob just invite film crew, they R cool. Maybe a couple humans
for fun times and a little blood. I'll make sure there's cookies. U remember Yelyena
she's fun and got cool friends. Thanks 4 ya help. <3 August
JANICE:
I kno what u mean, I would only do that if there were 2 many sexy people around
and I couldn't handle it, lol. But that's never gonna happen, I can handle anything.
If u kno what I mean, ahahaha.  Hit me up when ur ready to party up!
***
To: WILHELM
From: AUGUST
Hi Wil, it's August. Ans might B in trouble. Can vampires Bcome addicted to H?
D and A both been really weird. Might need intervention. <3 August
Wilhelm took a little longer to reply.
WILHELM:
I'm afraid that I really have no idea what your message is trying to say.
Can you unpack the meaning for an old man?
Thank you, darling.
AUGUST:
Sorry Will. I am really worried about Anselm. He is taking herione only it's not
going away and he keeps going back. It just makes him sad and depressed.
He's doing it with Darren. I am hoping to try to stop it somehow. i don't know.
I was hoping you might be able to help. <3 August
WILHELM:
Oh dear. Yes, this is the sort of problem one may encounter with a progenitor,
even if they are otherwise pleasant and reasonable. I don't know much about
our young friend as he is not exactly forthcoming. Drug usage among our kind
isn't the result of addiction so much as some sort of psychological dependence.
Perhaps more akin to modern addictions such as television or computer... things.
He'd been quite happy-go-lucky, perhaps it is only stress. You are a good friend,
you don't need to take everything upon yourself, but if you'd like to try something,
I suggest working from the angle of dealing with any self-destructive habit,
poor coping mechanisms etc. Is that a bit too much? I can break it down for you,
if you like.
AUGUST:
Please break it down for me to use. He did almost die & go through bad times
with Demi mayB that's it? Maybe he just needs to get it out of his system.
WILHELM:
Hmm you could be right. Many of my friends are the more
effusive types, to express how they're feeling and make any confrontations
as necessary but more more reticent types can just bury things until they
manifest as other problems. However, this is in their nature, and forcing
a heart-to-heart can just erode trust and cause them to retreat further
into their shells.
'Letting him get it out of his system' may be closer to the correct answer,
yet of course this won't do if this is potentially harming themselves
or others. Perhaps I should try to convince Demetri to lighten the
workload, thus reducing his stress? Is this the problem with him
that you're referring to?
AUGUST:
YES! He wants Ans to go around kissing people he doesn't want to possibly
make a power work that only works if kiss is good. So dumb idea. I think telling
him 2 back off is good idea for helping. He rings a lot and it freaks Ans out.
They also had a sex thing pretty sure so Anselm's feelings are hurt.
He gets me 2 answer a lot. Most of time it's Darren so don't worry. So maybe
I at least should try to make him do it in a more safe way? I'll give it a go but
back off if it seems like 2 much. Be gentle.
Wish me luck. <3 August.
P.S Thank you for helping me so much even though I'm not your kid.
WILHELM:
Ah, it comes together now! Well, I think you may have answered your own question.
I don't understand the details with whatever chore Demetri has assigned, but
I will attempt to discuss it with him. He is so focused on the war effort, he's never
been a... diplomat. Not to sound prejudicial, but he ought to know better than
to rely so heavily on a progenitor's labor, especially one that has no connection to us.
Hm, any further speculation on my part could potentially get me in trouble,
so I'd better not...
No trouble at all August, you are still family, my brother in fact! Isn't that funny?
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Jun 3, 2016 16:05:52 GMT -8
Not too long after that,
   
Dude-
"I say, I've heard a rumor that someone
is giving away heroin for free. I've never
done this drug before, but since it is being Guy-
offered for free and is normally quite "That sounds like a good value.
expensive, I am currently considering a try." I should like to try some as well!"
Darren-
"Well you're in luck, you hipster fucks.
I'm your friendly hookup."
Anselm-
"Yeah, it's good. You like it."
 
Dude-
"Splendid! I shall avail myself of this offer."
Anselm-
"Heh heh... cool.
Need a refill."
They distributed them shits like it weren't no thang. They would
disappear into another room to fix up their foolz, and acquire the blood
when they started feeling it - usually quite quickly. The party was
the most horsetacular dragon riding event since the last
time Darren was rich...
New people filtered in from the street -late arrivals or neighborhood randos.
Among them... 
Fee-
"Wonder what this one is like."
Ryder-
"Yuck, smells like sweaty vinegar in here."
These guys stood near the drinks table, taking turns
drinking out of a wine bottle and eyeballing people.  
Anselm-
"Uf, never lasts long enough... Brains returning.
Darren- Mn, over 'dhere. 'Dhis one looks healthy."
"Truer words weren't
nary spoken. Let's sic 'em."
 
Fee-
"Uh oh. What's this Ryder-
coming our way?" "Err... think we're gonna get
propositioned. And not in the sexy way."
Anselm-
"Hey, it's cool guys. You vant free drugs?"
Fee-
"Gosh, mister! Do you
think we should?" Ryder-
"Uhhh... Don't think they're
talking about weed."
Darren-
"Yeah maaaan, it's cool, it's like, for science.
Kinda shit the government doesn' wan' you
ta know about. Real shit, dude." Anselm-
"Yeah, veed is a baby drug.
You not a baby... Don't vorry,
it's only clean, very good..."
Fee-
"Um, gee... What is it?" Ryder-
"Looks real healthy,
whatever it is."
Darren-
"Why, only the best drug in the world!
You know what they say: Once you try
heroin, you'll never be the same." Anselm-
"But yeah, it's not very big deal.
Darren- I only do zometimes. It's fine..."
"Yeah, you can quit any
time you want."
Fee-
"But... But I heard it
was real dangerous!" Ryder-
"Uh, yeah! I'm not poking
myself with a needle."
Anselm-
"Don't vorry! Clean needles only,
Darren- vee help you, it's total zafe..."
"That's just... chicken, man.
I'm really, honestly just, like, disappointed
in you both. We thought you were cool."
 
Fee-
"I dunno, Ryder. We
want to be cool, right?" Ryder-
"What the hizzy dude? I feel like I'm getting
Fee- 10,000 STDs just standing near these guys."
"It's just kinda funny,
isn't it? Horrible, but funny."
Anselm-
Darren- "Tch, boring nerds, I knew."
"Yeah, run home to yer mommas."
Fee-
"Don't be like that. Tell us
more about the heroin." Ryder-
"Yeah, will it give me a healthy
complexion of curdled buttermilk?"
  
Darren-
"Have fun with your hippy
shit, you fuckin' narcs." Anselm-
"Yeah go zpend a money on color hairs."
  
Ryder-
Fee- "...Damn, ugh... I got the willies."
"Aww, was that too creepy for you?"
Ryder-
"Heh, you so crazy baby. Yeah, that was... oof,
like... are they doing that to everyone here?
Fee- Who does that? Cartoon villains?"
"Ugh, damn. Now that you say it...
I almost don't believe it. Are they really
giving out free heroin? Who the hell
would do something like that?"
Said villains were some distance away, scoping
out the next prospects, but found themselves distracted.
Anselm-
Darren- "Umm... zo now, uh..."
"Ugh, the nerds are still
bitchin' about us."
Ryder-
"Yeah look, they're totally searching
for the next baby to get addicted!
Fee- Ugh, that's just the worst!"
"You're right. That's sooo gross.
It's like, they're heartless monsters."
Darren-
"It ain't that bad! Besides, we
got the clean needles. It's not like
we're stickin' people with something
Horsey Orson fished out of a brown Anselm-
paper bag." "Yeah! Vee don't giff an immunovirus!
Aw... I do heroin for a lot and I'm okay, right?
Darren-
"You're totally okay! You're a cool guy,
Anselm. Don't listen to nerds."
Ryder-
"I don't know how people like that
can live with themselves!
Obviously no humanity left."
Fee-
"Yeah it's just, you go around
hurting people, and corrupting them.
Ruining lives! And for what?
What do they even get out of it?"
Darren-
"Tch, that's so unfair! I mean, yeah,
we're monsters, but it's not like
we can help it! Fuck, man! Anselm-
"Yeah, it's... um...
it's not ruin anything..."
Darren-
"Yeah... we're..."
Darren-
"Man... We blew it, man." Anselm-
"Aw... Darren... is it true?"
Darren-
"Yeah, yeah man. We blew it.
*sigh* I didn't wanna believe it,
but we have no choice."
Anselm-
"Oh, I don't vant to kill 'dhem..."
Darren-
"What?! I mean, make it right, dude.
Like, get all the people off the drugs." Anselm-
"Huh? Pay for a clinic?"
Darren-
"I could do that, but would tap me out
real quick. No, we've got like supernatural persuasion, bro."
Darren-
"Trust me, I got this!" Anselm-
"Okay, umm let's finish a bottle..."
Darren-
"Well that goes without saying." Anselm-
"Hurra."
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Jun 4, 2016 23:54:04 GMT -8
Back up in the club, August went searching for Cam and Tristan, he had
to go but he didn't want to leave them in the lurch. He triednot to interrupt
anything too personal. So he searched out for the one of them.
He found Cam having just finished his 'meal' with the poor donor snoozing it off.
August-
"Hey dude. Paolo texted me. I gotta jet out and see if I can help Ans. Him and Darren
are getting caught up in some drug troubles and I wanna see if I can talk them down
or something. Will y'all be okay?"
Cam was a little pensive for a second,
sorting himself out, but chilled out quick.
 
Cameron-
"That's lookin' out, bro. Go get 'em.
We can take a taxi if we gotta, no prob."
August-
"Thanks! Wish me luck. I ain't never had to intervention on someone's arse before."
August blew that joint and headed off to Yoony in his silver roadster. It wasn't an area he was too familiar with and he had to use his phone a couple of times before he got in the right place. He still wasn't sure where the H boys were but at least he was in the right area. He drove around for a bit looking for Anselm's motorad or a splashy red car.
It was a big neighborhood, sprawling cramped residential lanes of houses mostly converted into frat and sorority places. There were parties everywhere. At length, and surprisingly not next to a party, he found the hot rod and the motorrad (part deux) on somebody's lawn.
Meanwhile... at Hettie's house,
Hettie-
"Lalala la."
Monsters appeared at her winda.
Darren-
"You should say we can come in, ma'am.
We're friendly ghosts, right?" Anselm-
"Mn, nice ghosts... Hello..."
 
Hettie-
"AIEEeee!"
Darren-
"Naw babe, we cool, remember us?
The guys with the sweetass hookup?" Anselm-
"Yeah, vee nice... don't vorry.
Good boys to zay hello to you."
 
Hettie-
"Hmmm... OKaaaay?"
Anselm-
Darren- "Cann vee come in, please? Vee vant to zee you...
"Welcome us into yer And talk. For nice 'dhings... Please..."
heart and home, so niiiiice."
Hettie-
"Fiiine, but you promise not to kill me?"
Darren-
"For hellaaaaa" Anselm-
"Yesssss no killing. Vee promise..."
Window unlatched, dem ghoulish boyz crawled in most ghoulishly.
Anselm-
Darren- "Ohh you haff a nice home...
"Oh yeah, nice place, but -- Hard vood floors, zo fancy."
Darren-
"You could lose it all if
you do the smack, baby!" Anselm-
"Yeah, I don't haff a hard vood floors."
Hettie-
"Whaaaaaa? But you gave me that stuff."
Anselm-
"Mn, it's a... lesson for you. Right?
Darren- Do a heroin is... bad?"
"What my esteemed colleague says
is true. We're here to... test your sooooul!"
Hettie-
"But if that's true, I already failed, didn't I?"
Anselm-
Darren- "Noo it's only a staaaaarrtttt!"
"We alll stumble but God
forgives, boooooooo."
Hettie-
"Mmmm, I guess. So what's the deal then? How's this work?"
Anselm pulled a strange blob from his pocket. He placed it on his open palm, and held it out. A greasy fried egg.
Anselm-
Darren- "Oooh vhat is it? Do you see?
"wait, no, dude, oh, I guess" It looks like a chicken's egg, but isn't!"
Darren-
"BEHOLD! THE POWER OF THE SOOOOUL!"
"--zoooul!"
Hettie-
"Like Necromancer Island?!"
Anselm-
Darren- "Oh, it's from a TV? Uh, yeah. It's true... "
"Does everyone watch it
but me? Anyhow, we got magical powers, and this... It's your soul?"
Hettie-
"It looks like a fried egg?"
Anselm-
"Yeah! It's a drug zoul, oooh it's bad.
Darren- You don't vant a cold egg for zoul, yeah?"
"Big time. It's all, like, cuz
the smack, kid. Gotta... lay off it."
Hettie-
"...It's not very convincing, is it? I'm sorry.
You've clearly gone to some effort."
Anselm-
Darren- "Aw man... Yeah we haff to go to
"Not even a little?" a diner to buy it... My pocket is zticky."
Hettie-
"I'm sorry. For what it's worth, it's a gruesome egg."
Darren-
"How many people were on our list?" Anselm-
"Uhhh ten? Hey um,
do you haff a napkin to borrow?"
 
Hettie-
"Not a problem..."
Thus, did those two guys slump out on to someone's nice lawn and run into--
 
August-
" Lawdamimbo. Lucky I found y'all. What in heck are ya doing?"
!!! !!!
Anselm-
"Oh hey, vee don't doing any'dhing.
Darren- Don't vorry..."
"Yeah like, how'd... you find
us exactly, man? Not that there was
a reason to look... per se..."
August-
"Now that's a bucket of Bullhockey if I ever heard it. Ya don't have too play it cool,
I know ya on the smack. A little birdie told me. Now I'm here cause I care and
I wanna help make sure ya play it safe. Y'all are good guys I know it."
August-
"Now what exactly are y'all doing at this house? All creeping like."
Darren-
"What?! No. We aren't on the smack.
What the hell? Man... Dude... Man..." Anselm-
"I don't know zmack, Glennish vord.
Maybe vee talk for something else...?"
 
August-
"UUh huh. Heroin, Ans. Whatever is causing those rings around ya eyes.
Ya ain't getting rid of me. I jus' wanna... I'm cool okay."
August-
"I ain't gonna tell ya to stop, ya have enough people telling ya what to do but I'm worried
ya might hurt someone or ya self and that ain't cool. It ain't cool for no one. Fun is only fun
if everyone is having it ya know?"
 
Darren-
"Tch. Okay. We werrrre doing H.
Dunno who narc'ed us out, but we quit! Hell, we were just in Hettie's place
usin' supernatural persuasions to try to undo some of the harm
we may have caused...We're all responsible and shit.
Don't believe me, you could ask her!"
Anselm-
"...I don't know vhat's talking about.
It's Glennish, too hard. Don't know..."
August
"Well that's a bombaroo start! Heh, I'm better at this than I thought. I talked to Jan and
we're gonna party it up. One PG and another all R rated for just you and the Finsters.
We're gonna dance and do a seance! Well did ya persuade her not to keep going, Darren?
Or could she use some sweet talking from yours truly? I can help ya make amends!"
August texted something to Ans using a translation program.
AUGUST: Heroin . Es ist okay, Darren sagt, du bist verlassen . Ich möchte Ihnen helfen, wieder gut zu machen . Auch zwei Parteien , 1 sexy 1 PG mit dem Tanzen . Kein Stress. Liebe August . Anselm barely glanced at the phone screen before looking away.
Anselm-
"Ummm too dark too zee.
Vhatever is fine, maybe later--"
Darren-
"You bought that? That's good!
Because it's totally true... Um..."
He spaced out for a moment.  
Darren-
"Yeah, so, we got a list...
We have some more people--
you know they were probably
gonna do heroin anyways,
but we might've sort of got them Anselm-
to do it for the first time and..." "I don't know vords, I dhink...
I... yeah, I don't know man.
Maybe later. It's fine...
Very tired... it's um, uh..."
August-
"Ya got people hooked on heroin? Just so you could get high? Lawdamimbo!"
August-
"Those are people's lives ya ruining for a couple of nights of fun. Though honestly ya don't
look like ya having any. Ya gotta make it right ya know, like Paolo's friend did to you?
Ya can't leave them like that. Don't be like Badboy. Maybe Paolo's friend could help?
I don't reckon ya in the right space to help em ya selves. I'm sorry."
Darren-
"I know! I told ya!" Anselm-
"..."
Darren-
"We're trying to help people out!
I don't wanna bring her into this...
She'll never let us hear the end of it!
We got it covered, man, you want in
on this action or not?" Anselm-
"I don't know vhat you--"
Anselm-
"--Oh August! Ve're bad boys!
Very bad! Vhat to do, it's terrible!!"
Darren-
"Nah bro, nah... We're doing it already!
We've got it covered, man."
Anselm-
"Egg is broke in my pocket!
Need a new egg, it don't vork before."
Darren-
"Wh-wh- we'll get a new egg! It's working, man! It worked.
She totally said she wasn't going to do heroin again, right?"
Anselm-
"Uhhhh maybe?"
 
August-
"Aww well I guess y'all are trying to right ya wrongs. I'm in. I'll help ya.
You need one dude with a clear head."
August-
"How the heck do ya suppose to get someone off heroin with an egg?
That's the silliest darn thing I ever did hear, ya silly chooks. Ya would be
better off using a chalk duster for all the good that'd do.
We need something flashier!"
August-
"Did ya try cursing her? Like every time she tries a needle it breaks?
Or show ya dead forms?"
Anselm-
"Hey how is a dead body for you?
Mine I have to take 'dhe shirt off,
Darren- and guts all falling out, too gross."
"Aw man, don't talk about that shit.
You can wear your guts as a hat
but I don't wanna have to look at it." Anselm-
"Ew..."
Anselm-
"Hmm... Vhat if I curse and
she just gets pokies forever? Aw..."
Darren-
"Alright, fine. We'll do it our way first,
and *IF* it isn't a hundred percent,
we'll do your idea.
Next dude is at uh, Chuckles..." Anselm-
"You get an egg 'dhis time.
I'm too embarrass."
Darren-
"Yeah, fine. Chuckle it up, chuckleheads."
August-
"I ain't never seen it but I don't reckon it was too gruesome. At least not as
much as one kid. I mostly had a bit of blood around me tatts and on me chest
so unless Marchese ate me heart it's all gravy."
August-
"Right! Mr. Chuckles. Let's go try and set him straight! Maybe if ya draw
a smilie on the egg? Heh."
Darren skated, (not literally) and left Anselm with August.
Anselm-
"It's good it don't hurt too much to die?"
He stood around awkwardly.
Anselm-
"Should I um, 'dhe bike... or...?"
Anselm-
"I'm sorry August!!!  "
August-
"Awww, Ans buddy. It's gonna all be alright. I'm ya mate no matter what.
Ya can't get rid of me, I'm your roomie. Heh. We were put to sleep so
no pain at all, I'm sorry you got hurt. Here, give me a hug?"
Anselm gave him a big mushy hug, at least this time the fried egg smell overpowered anything else.
August-
"Now ya can ride or put ya bike in me backseat. Let's go save Chuckles from heroin yeah?
Maybe help him reassess his nickname choice too?"
He stepped back, and rubbed his bleary eyes.
Anselm-
"Okay. Okay, vee do it..."
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Jun 6, 2016 22:06:32 GMT -8
Darren and Anselm had to leave their vehicles at Hettie's for the moment or be driving impaired - Anselm's motorrad would only have been able to stash in the open trunk of the Augustmobile if they had better equipment to secure it. Chuckles, as it turned out, was the name of the club where the next guy on the list was last seen - the kind of happy poppy place favored by sorority girls, gay best friends, and the dudes who were out to get them. Trepadora Telly was sinking into himself at a balcony table in the distance as the vampires rolled up in the joint, one with a pocket full of egg.
Darren-
"Who's ready to save some soulz, mothafuckas?"
August-
"No soul left unsaved suckas!"
August glanced around looking for their target.
August-
"Where's our first case, Daz? Let's get cracking. Err.. no pun intended."
 
Anselm-
"Okay Dazzle, vhere vee
put an egg on you--" Darren-
"What-- what-- when did I turn into 'Dazzle?'
This is your fault, New Harlan."
Anselm-
"No Dazzle? It hass sparkles,
I 'dhink it is cute." Darren-
"And I ain't doin' the egg thing.
You're doing the egg thing.
Anselm- 'Cause... like, I gotta be Desiderio.
"Huh? Vhy I cann't be?"
Darren-
"Because I speak the language better!
Ain't nobody gonna buy a low-Grauish
master of evil."
Anselm-
"Ohhh... I already get eggy...
Okay, fine. *sigh*"
August-
"Hey I called ya Dazza. A perfectly manly and normal nickname.
Ans added the bedazzle.
 Dazzle master of evil!
Heh. Ya sure ya don't want me to be Desiderio?
Just don't get egg on ya face, mate."
Darren-
"Anyway... that's him up there
with the bush-face." That dude was way up there.
The posse rolled up on him...
Telly-
"Huh. It's you guys. And someone else."
August-
"Howdy hambalos. I'm their friend August. We're here to set ya on the narrow.
These guys are real sorry they got ya hooked on the H. They didn't watch enough
midday films as kiddies."
What's that thing over there?
Darren-
"..."
Darren-
"Yeah. Wait. Yeah, not just sorry, but we straightup, like,
died. And now we're back from the dead to warn you of
what lies in store if you do that junk anymore. Do you
have the bravery to bear witness, bro? Do you?"
Telly-
"Pleased to meet you August... Dead guys."
Anselm hunkered down behind Darren, as though he could hide behind someone that
was basically the same size. At least Darren's coat was fuzzy. He prepared the magic ritual,
and waited for his cue.
Darren-
"Seriously, pay attention to me. All eyes on the man
from beyond death's... um... domain! If you keep doing
that junk, your soul's gonna be all... junked up! And you can't like,
go to heaven and shit? So it's like, you wanna see what that
looks like, man?'Cause we're gonna show you what that looks like!"
Anselm-
"Oooh..."
August-
"OOOOOoooooH! Also ya lose ya desire for fun times.. like bumping uglies!
OooooooOOOOOhhh You'll end up in a ditch with nothin' but fleas for company."
Anselm-
"Ohh nooo... 'dhe fleas..."
Darren-
"That's right, bro! Those are fleas! They're not just
regular fleas! They'll be like, super hypodermic
immunovirus fleas! They'll be all in your shit!
Not literally, but-- but yeah, there too!
Can you see?! Can you?! And will you--"
 
Darren-
"BEHOLD! THE POWER OF THE SOOOOUL!"
"--Zoooulll!"
Telly-
"Why do you have a fried egg on your head?"
Anselm-
"It's a-- zoul egg. It's a, um, your zoul...
because drugs."
Darren-
"Any questions?"
Telly-
"No, I... I think I'm good, thank you."
Anselm-
" *sigh* Now it's running on my head...
Eugh, dripping... slimes...
Don't do drugs. "
August-
"Cause ya will end up with greasy egg on ya head."
August-
"Do ya really wanna spend ya life jacked up on smack? If ya keep going,
ya gonna wish ya soul was that egg. You will go to a place that is truely dark
where ya will sell out ya best friend for a moment on H."
Telly-
"I get it, guys, I do. No one thinks heroin
is a good idea. You do it because it's a bad idea.
But like, yeah. I will totally not do it anymore."
He stood up slowly, pocketing his cell phone.
Darren-
"Best we can do, I guess." Anselm-
"... Eugh it goes down back of my neck..."
August-
"Well thank you for your time, Mr. Telly. I hope we didn't disturb ya night too much.
Good luck on staying sober! Remember if ya gotta do drugs, do a cheap and happy ones!"
August-
"Guys! I really think we reached him. Bombaroo! I count that one as a win y'all.
Go greasy eggs! Ehh sorry Ans. Who's next?"
Anselm-
"Hoo, I hope you're right."
Darren-
"Uhh yeahhh.. worst case scenario,
we can ring up Boytown Funf.
Anselm-
"Whoa! You know? You haff
a music concert toge'dher?
Darren-
"Nah! You know. Remember at Eisbar...
Boytown Funf is the original Desiderio."
Anselm-
"Huh, I don't meet Boytown Funf before!
'Dhey help for 'dhis inspiration?"
Darren-
"Uh. Man..."
By now, Telly was long gone, and Darren looked at the other guys.
Darren-
"Do we really think that worked?" Anselm-
"Maybe-- *sigh* Maybe man is right,
you only do if you are naughty already."
Darren-
"Yeah... But does that mean that he's doomed?
That we're doomed? Man... I guess I don't know nothin.' "
Anselm- "Darren, ve're naughty boys! " Darren- "I can't dude. I just can't."
August-
"Being naughty ain't go nothing to do with it. Ya both good people okay?
Good people do drugs too, especially when they're feeling pain. We did our best
and if Telly uses again ya consciences are clear. You did your best. Ya not doomed.
Ya make ya own choices. Ya can only do you. Besides this is the drugs talking.. mostly."
Anselm-
"Maybe it's true... Oh August...
Darren- zuch a good friend to me."
"Damn, damn bro.
That shit is... just wow."
Anselm-
"Hey touch Darren's fluff jacket,
Darren- it's very soft!"
"It's H, not E, dude!"
August-
"Hehehehe but ya don't know what I'm on. Muwahahahahahaha."
August made pretend grabby motions before moving mercifully back.
August-
" Just kidding but it looks darn soft. Like he's wrapped himself up in many fluffy cats.
Ya kinda like ying and yang. Anselm's jacket is spiky like a cactus and Darren is a black fluffy cat."
Anselm-
"Awww..."
Darren-
"Well, you convinced me, New Harlan.
We are absolved and I am fluffy.
Now let's strut."
August secretly loved that Darren had given him a nickname...
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Jun 7, 2016 22:47:35 GMT -8
In the subsequent nights, Darren, Anselm, and August bummed around town trying to remember what a wholesome good time seemed like. August's options were limited by merit of trying to seem cool in front of Darren. Meanwhile, Paolo was on August's jock about the Darren situation, wanting particulars about recovery n such.
Things took a turn for the less than great, when they were in a bar on Yoony and saw someone they recognized - one of the people they had gotten started on H was still using! No absolution, dudes! They had to leave that dude alone, but discussed less eggtacular ways to get those humans cleaned up... 
Darren-
"...It's my fault, I admit it, and
unfortunately, I got a solution." Anselm-
"Vhat is it? Vee steal money
to pay for rehabs?"
August-
"Ya know I always thought rehab was for free. I mean how do ya get clean
if ya have already spent all ya money on drugs? No sense like a beaver
with a duck bill. Maybe ya gotta pay for like fancy rehab where they feed ya sushi
and give ya fluffy robes. Anyway, I don't reckon robbing is the way to go.
What's ya unfortunate solution, Daz? It sounds pretty fortunate to me."
 
Darren- Anselm-
"Right, stealing is just... wrong..." "Don't you ah--"
Darren-
"Naw, dudes, I know someone who is good at doin' rehab shit on
foolz, but we will owe her big. It's why I didn't bring it up before." Damn. August had read it wrong, apparently stealing was cool. He'd always been a terrible thief, his mum had always caught him looking guilty as sin when he nicked lollies from the pantry or borrows bullets from her gun. Damn you guilt. Making him look like a nerd in front of cool guys. 
August-
"I'm down like a clown y'all. Whatever we gotta pay for this bad butt lady
to free these guys from the smack. Don't ya worry none, I'll be cool."
 
Anselm-
"Not Janice? She zays no more heroin
until I make a big orgy but it's too hard
Darren- to schedule."
"Yikes... Naw, not Janice, not a
Butt Lady. It's Helen. She was with me when we met, Anselm. She has
that 'Power of the Soul' shit on tap. Like we were doin', but better."
Anselm-
"Oh nooo, she's so cute. Aw, I don't vant
to tell her I make you do drugs...
Darren- she vill be mad at me! I become a bad
"Don't minimize my role role model for you."
in this chicanery. I deserve
credit, good or bad."
Darren-
"But you're not wrong. We're gonna owe her, bigtime."
August-
"Ya both been equally bad y'all. Ya gotta face up to ya demons even if they
come in the form of adorable teenyboppers like Helen? What's the worse
she could make us all do? I bet she'll just want something cute and fuzzy like..."
"..."
August-
"She ain't having me collection! Nah ah! No dice. I spent ages collecting those,
especially the Autumnal specials."
 
Anselm-
Darren- "Ve're bad boys... aren't we?"
"We ain't good..."
Darren-
"...but naw, we won't need...
whatever it is you're talking about."
Anselm-
"Vhat do you dhink? Does she like a--
oh yeah, not heroin blood. Hm...
Darren- Maybe TV box zet..?"
"Naw, more like, take her to
a creepy boy band concert and act enthusiastic about it.
Or get Herbal Mindy to talk at us about colonics so she
can have fun with her roommates.
Some shit like that." Anselm-
"...Or run avay from home."
August-
"Apart from colonics that it don't sound so bad. Awww she sounds just like
a cute little sister really. Well, like a band aid right? Let's do this and get
ya bad boys to somewhat bad boys who don't do H."
Darren-
"Yeap. Time to lasso up some junkheads." Anselm-
"How to lasso junk?"
 
Darren- Anselm-
"That's what she said." "Oh, who is she?"
August-
"Ya mum!"
Back up back up cuz it's on...
Not much later, Darren, Anselm, and August showed up with cars jammed
full of humans, and unloaded them into the parking lot behind Fitzpatrick's.
Darren-
"Alright, junkies! Hol' up here a minute.
Gotta make supplication to the guru..."
  
  
  
Junkies-
"rabble rabble"
August-
"Now no poking each other with needles while we're gone please and
try not to vomit again. I'm looking at you Mr. Flower-hat."
August hopped out of the car putting the back doors on child lock just in case.
August-
"Put ya brave faces on, gents. She's gotta forgive us eventually.
It's almost like a party... heh."
Darren-
"Stop bein' so damn positive.
This is gonna be mad... colonic." Anselm-
"It smells like guts' insides."
August-
"I can't help it, it's in me nature. I'll try to be less cheery. I'm cool I swear!"
 
Flower Hat-
"  "
August-
"Awww man, Mr. Flower-hat. This is why ya don't do drugs.
I'm gonna have to clean that out by hand, I ain't got money
to get it done professional."
Darren konked on the back door,
probably unnecessary. Helen appeared.
 
Helen-
"What am I looking at here?"
Darren-
"Uh.... Some guys. Obviously..." Anselm-
"It's drug guys we put on
drugs because we're bad."
 
Helen-
"...Seriously?"
August waved friendfully when Helen arrived. He tried not to feel guilty but it was super catchy
and it showed. He hadn't even done anything bad but there it was.
August-
" 'Fraid so Ms Helen. We tried to put em straight but it ends up, fried eggs don't cut it.
I didn't wanna scare em with me monster face. They ain't bad people, they're just on smack."
 
Helen-
"And you, of all people? Mr. Director?
I thought you seemed so nice."
Darren-
"Oh yeah, he's the worst of the lot...
the 'Antearctan Connection',
the 'Bombaroo Bullet'." Anselm-
"No no! August only helps
because vee are bad boys.
He don't do anything but vee are very bad
and naughty boys."
August crumbled like the worst kind of narc.
August-
"Awww don't look at me like that. Lawdamimbo! I feel real bad enough already...
Ans is right though! I ain't the 'Antearctan connection', I don't even know that guy.
I ain't done any drugs. I promise! Well not H anyway. They ain't that bad.
Ans has had a really tough time. Ya can't be too sore on him. We'll take ya colonic friend
to a concert or something!"
 
Helen-
"I don't understand... Maybe you guys should all listen
to a little song by Fresh Young Four called 'Chooze Lyfe'?
It was written for youths of your troubled generation."
Darren-
"ugh ugh ugh Fine, we'll
totally do that." Anselm-
"I do, I'm zorry. I don't vant
to be bad anymore."
August-
"See! They've already chozen lyfe! We ain't that troubled. They're here so ya can make
these fellas chooze lyfe too! Righting their wrongs and all that. I told em they shoulda
watched more midday movies! That's where they teach ya life lessons. Will ya help them?
Paolo would be so pleased! He's been texting me non-stop! It's kinda like he's me fan
and not the other way around. He's super concerned over Dazza."
Helen-
"*siigh* That's how I got into this
in the first place. Oh, Paolo."
Darren-
"Hey, good point. No one to blame
but that guy. We should give him Anselm-
the beeswax later." "No! Vee are only bad and naughty,
everyone else is good."
August-
"Oh shush you! Ya ain't bad no matter how many times ya say it, Ans. Badboy is bad,
you two ain't! We know real bad and it ain't this. That is mush and nonsense,
we've all done stuff we ain't proud of. The main thing is ya trying to fix it and that
makes ya a real good person in my eyes. Paolo's problem is only that he cares too much.
He's a sweet guy."
 
Helen-
"I know Paolo's a sweetheart, but his big heart is what
sucked me into dealing with Darren that first time, and ultimately
led him to my parking lot with a buttload of dopey fiends."
Darren-
"When you're right you're
right. So... We on?" Anselm-
"Oh please, no fiends for dope.
It's done, please..."
 
Helen-
"Yeah, let's get those butts in here."
August-
"So Paolo is why Darren is a vampire? Come on, under that fluffy jacket
and gruff attitude is a sweet guy too. Somewhere!
Helen-
"May as well be..."
August-
"Ya the best Helen! Don't forget to invite our butts in though."
 
Helen-
"Anselm and August are only invited to the ground floor, OK?"
Darren- Anselm-
"Yes, Ms. Helen..." "Yes Mz Helen..."
Later on in the back room of doom, the ritual lighting was ritual,
the power of the soul was in full effect. Helen used her illusion powers
to summon a monster from the chest of another hapless human.
Helen-
"Behold. Look upon your corrupted soul and know despair."
 
Dude-
"Holy shit man! It's Deeeeaaaath!"
Anselm-
"Oooh... It's for real...
Better not do any drugs!"
August, Anselm, and Darren sat in rusty folding chairs
watching the proceedings. The man's "soul" shrank away
and disappeared into his chest as he scrabbled at it in vain. 
Dude-
"My entire sense of reality is--"
Helen-
"I knoooow. Anyway, move it
along Douglas. There's a line."
August-
"This would make for bombaroo special effects... I mean
Ooooooooohhhhh. What an ugly soul... Like a rotten sandwich
at the back of ya locker. OooooOOOOoooooh."
Dude-
"I don't want an ugly soul..."
Darren-
"So embarrassing. Ugh." Anselm-
" Vish I had zome heroin... "
Helen-
"I heard that, ya goofball bums!"
Anselm-
"Zorry Helen...!"
Anselm-
Darren- "Uf... vee are bums. Vant to live under a bridge vith me?"
"Nuh, think we went far enough
down that hole for the week."
August-
"Lawdamimbo! Heroin is what got ya into this mess in the first place.
Ya drongos. I ain't doing this on a weekly basis, I gotta film to make."
August-
" Though if ya do gotta become bridge bums, watch out for horse men is all I'm saying.
They get mighty crotchety about vampires drinking under their bridges."
August-
"Also, can Cam have ya room for tech equipment, Ans?"
 
Anselm-
"No no no, I'm joking. It's bad joke.
It's-- I don't understand Glennish vorts,
it's not to be mad at me.
Darren- ...Right? You understand, Darren?"
"Sure, why not?"
Helen-
"Back to the subject at hand..."
Helen did her de-tox whammy on the rest of the recently minted
heroin people, ensuring Heroin Harry would be pissed at Darren.
At last...
Helen-
"So what do you boys have to say for yourselves?"
Anselm-
"Ummm zorry for drugs and...
Darren- vee are good boys now?"
"What he said."
Helen-
"Try again, buster."
Darren-
"We won't get humans
on dangerous drugs." Anselm-
"Promise, definitely! I vill take care
for Darren and to be a good role model now."
August-
"Ya both larrikins of the highest order! Thank you Helen for saving the day.
Who knew people really cared what their soul looks like. Heh it'd be pretty funny
if it really did look like a fried egg. Ya never ever know. "
August-
"Say Helen, ya should come and hang out more. Have ya ever considered
a career in the wonderful and snazzy world of film?"
Darren-
"Ya hear that? Who knew people cared what
their souls looked like, huh Helen? Who?"
Helen-
"Some future star of the silver screen, no doubt..."
Helen-
"So get this. I wanna go to a party at the Beanie Girls' place but
Herbal Mindy is gonna be there, and she's been on Dr. Kruger's..."
With that, them boys would atone for the evils they had done,
and the only thing that remained was to find something to do
with their time less messed up than heroin. What'll it be..? |
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Jun 28, 2016 11:05:54 GMT -8
LATER...   
Herbal Mindy-
"And it just makes colors more vivid, because
when your body's clear of toxins, it's like...
It's like how the goddess meant for us to be."
Darren-
"Yeah, boy, that's just fuckin'...
fuckin' amazin' right there."
Anselm-
"Toxin is bad... for... colors."
 
Helen-
"You girls really know where it's at!"
Meanwhile, August had escaped Mindy duty by merit of his relative
innocence. But just as he was starting to get his chill on, he saw...
 August was kinda fascinated by Helen's preference for human company. It was definitely a twist on most vampires. At the sight of Paolo he knew what he had to do. It was bad enough getting stuck with a herbal freak but a lecture from Paolo might send them over the edge.
He flagged that dude down.
August-
"PAOLO! It's August! Have I got news for ya or what?"
 
Paolo-
"You do? What's... what's going on with Darren?"
August put a friendful hand on the man's shoulder. Poor guy.
August-
"Nothing no more. He's on the straight and narrow. Right now he's cleaner
than a nun on a Sunday. He's not gonna do H no more. He realised he was
hurting people too much. They're gonna be role models of the highest order.
Well as good as two larrikins can be. See they're talking to Herbal Minnie.
Ya got nothing to worry ya furry head about."
Paolo-
"Rr-really? How? It's so fast. Is it
too early to feel optimistic?"
August-
"Ya friend pulled them through heh. Plus uh Mindy's colonics really work, P.
They like took a whole bunch and never looked back ya know? It's never too early
to be optimistic. Optimism is in ya know."
Paolo-
"Just like that? Helen... Wow, she really..."
Paolo-
"I don't care how they did it, I'm gonna be happy about it!
So you're all here, huh? I never met your other friend. How
do all of you guys know each other?"
August-
"Eeeeh I guess ya could say we hang out in similar... um circles?
Anselm is me roomie and I uh met Darren once at a party. They're
from a similar kinda background and just hit it off ya know?
Which is weird cause Dazza doesn't seem the hitting it off type
but there ya go. I reckon he's warming up to me finally. How did he
land a friend like you?"
 
Paolo-
"Well, I guess that stuff is a little less well known for
us than super-famous bands like Battering Ram, but Jimmy
put up this ad at Guitarra's and I didn't even see it, right?
But my cousin's friend Sherry Gonzalez remembered my
band Bone Soulz had just broken up and she's such a
sweetheart, she totally hooked me up. I didn't even think
much of it at the time, but answering that ad was huuge.
I was able to afford a nice place for my folks and everything!
Life's too good."
August-
"That's awesome! Ya so lucky ya cousin came through or The Belfries
woulda never been. Ya so responsible and Dazza is so rock. It's lucky
he has ya to look out for him. I hope ya still look out for ya self.
Ya doing okay without The Belfries?"
 
Paolo-
"Thanks, man, you're super cool too. I'm so glad you
answered my calls after the other night, wow, it's great.
As for me, I'm doing Crystal Parapet, and we're on a little
break, but when we're back, we totally got plans to do a
tour - just the Isles, nothing fancy - but we're bound to
make some good money. Plus it's the road, man, you
don't even know. There's something magical about it."
August-
"Bombaroo! Well if ya ever interested me movie could always do with
some cool jams. We can't pay ya much though. If the movie goes off
we can pay ya through the wazoo though. Ya never know. Do ya watch
many indie films?"
Paolo-
"No offense, but established artists don't work on
spec. But man, I do love movies. You make indie films?"
Paolo-
"There's like indie indie, and then there's indie. Can
you believe they show Jack Handler movies on Independent
Views? That channel used to have integrity, man. But yeah,
I watch stuff that's, like, more out-there, like, with no plots,
just feelings and meanings. And I watch stuff that's more,
like, quirky drama, and even some genre stuff when done
in that independent spirit, man. So cool. Like that Soari
ghost movie they shot on an antique cassette? Almata fi
Hufra? Awesome. What's your stuff like?"
August-
" Yeah I do, it's me life passion. Heh it was worth a shot. Can't blame a guy
for trying. Yeah ya way too good for that. Maybe one day I'll be rolling in it
then I'll get ya. You can bet ya bottom dollar on that!"
August-
" There ain't nothing independent about that twat. He's a wanker and
I don't like to use that word lightly. Some people think a shaky camera
equals artistry. He sold out with all that product placement in his last film.
He ain't fooling no one saying it was just his lunch. Oh man yeah,
Almata fi Hufra is life, the grains just added so much atmosphere to the piece.
Then that bit where the tape got all dirty and ya lost picture, it ripped me
heart open. So suspenseful. "
August-
"Me film is focused on how the horrors of the supernatural world
represent the struggles inside us all. I also dabble in pure impressionism
in film like me film "Go". I like strong juxtapositions of good and evil.
Me films usually carry themes of family love versus the passionate love.
I go with neo-post free flow from a Stran-Arnold film theory base."
Paolo-
"Thanks, bro! I'll be all over it..."
Paolo-
"Wow, that's deep, bro. Now, my film friends told me
about Stran-Arnold and post free flow and I think I kinda
got it, but what's neo-post free flow? Sounds intense."
August-
"It ain't no picnic in the park that's for sure. It's like post free flow
but ya peel back a few more layers ya know? Get to the real raw emotions.
It can be quite tolling but the results speak for themselves. Ya have to find
a real quiet place where no one can here ya or people sometimes call the police."
Paolo-
"Wow, that's wild as hell! I'm into--"
Herbal Mindy-
"That's why I went hiking in the mountains
of Beru instead of Tupal. Totally allergic to Alpine
Lavendar. But just in my ears, if you can believe it-"
Darren-
"That's it! I need something to take the edge off."
Paolo-
"Oh no! No, bro!"
August-
"Calm, P, Calm. There's plenty of ways to take the edge off that
don't take H. I'll take this one. You go distract Mindy, yeah?"
August hurried over to the suffering trouble maker.
August-
"Now ya duffer. Sometimes edge is good. Ain't it suffering that helps ya art.
Or ya can find some beer or like weed for that. Something that ain't gonna
ruin a life. Ya don't wanna end right back here again do ya?"
Paolo-
"Will you dude? Yeah... You're a real pal."
A moment later,
Darren-
"I knooow, anything but owing Helen
another favor. Where's the weed, maaan?"
WeedMaaan-
"Did somebody call my name?"
Anselm-
"Aw, veed? Veed is for babies..." Darren-
"Yeah... but I guess we're back to baby food."
August-
"Sure did, hambalos! Get ya stank butt over here!"
August-
"Pfft! Cause being on smack is so adult. Ya nuff nuffs. Weed is fun y'all. It's all the fun ya getting."
Darren-
"Apparently..."
WeedMaaan-
"That is the butt of an herbalist in the classical
sense. Occupational aura, you get used to it."
Anselm-
"Oh, it's veed herbs or something else?
I don't need a bio... cleanie... 'dhing."
August-
"So many butts. Yeah, our butts are clean and clear.
We just want whatever ya smoking as long as it ain't crack.
These boys are not allowed anything heavier than E."
WeedMaaan-
"So that's a big no to secret ingredients,
sayin' no to the real hypothermic shit. Gotta
play nice, huh? Get with nature? I can make
you heads feel natural as fuck."
Darren-
"Hm. Keep talking."
Anselm-
"I only hear 'head' and 'fuck' and I don't know...
his eyes too veird. But... I vait to hear offer."
Darren-
"Wha? Anyway, yeah, go on dude..."
August-
"Yeah something that's gonna take the edge off
but not leave em on the street and poverty stricken.
Like some kinda 'I can't believe it ain't smack'.
No actual smack though."
WeedMaaan-
"Wanna emulate the effects of opiates off a
cannabinoid sans adulterato? No hablo, but I got
some choice herbs with a chocolate smoove low like
no paranoia or nothin', brotha."
Darren-
"Sounds like pabulum, but
that's what we're in the market for."
Anselm-
"I don't know any of 'dhese vorts, I just need drugs bad.
Please help..."
August-
" I dunno either. I dunno drugs..."
August-
"Ya got the dosh, Daz?"
 
Darren-
"Dude, I fold money like laundry."
WeedMaaan-
"Would you like that gift wrapped?"
AND SO IT WAS, that Anselm and Darren were done
with villainy, returning to the bosom of more wholesome herbs.
|
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ACHTUNG! The following threads contain lots of hard drug usage 
>>
"
"
Only the member of one the best bands ever. 
What should we do? I saw them at a party in yoony 
U know some cool people to invite? It's p. convenient 
Hit me up when ur ready to party up!
"
"