THE MINOTAUR'S LABYRINTH

[Thy Dungyeon Maestyr]

   
Anselm-
"Ugh, line is too long... I'm bored."
                                                    Lucio-
                                             "Obviously demand is outweighing supply."
     
                     Janice-
               "Hey fools, guess who got to use
                the best flogger in the country?"
                                                                            Willem-
                                                                          "It was me."
                     Janice-
             "Shoulda come (huh huh) with us,
            the padded room's been totes empty for like,
           twenty minutes."
       
               Anselm-
          "What? We're waiting here                                                                 Yelyena-
            for twenty minutes!"                     Lucio-                                         "Awww!"
                                                           "Guess the rack's more in style."

                        Janice-
                  "Some people follow trends,
                   and some people set them."
                                                                          Willem-
                                                                          "Too bad for you."
   
           Anselm-
      "Aw, it's mean.                                                                           Yelyena-
      Glenland club is too boring.                                      "I have got to go to Grauland."
      Too many laws."                                 Lucio-
                                                      "Yeah like, I don't need the queen
                                                         looking down my pants."
           Anselm-
       "Vee don't have pants."                 Lucio-
                                                           "Metaphorically...."

[Thy Dungyeon Maestyr]

WARNUNG - In this post, the amorous weirdo posse from Reckenburg will sexually objectify your characters. Avoid if you ain't into this kind of amusement.

 Later on...

  A quartet sat at a booth at the local grisly spoon, letting a basket of
     fries congeal in front of them as they spoke in Grauer.

         
          Anselm-
     "So are we banned for life or...?
                                       Lucio-
                        "Who cares enough to find out."       Janice-
                                                                "Meh, fuck 'em. Not literally. Obviously."
         Anselm-
   "I can't believe we were kicked out for vampire play.
     Is it ironic, or is it so non-ironic that it is again?
   I didn't even use my teeth! Not my teeth teeth anyway."         Willem-
                                                                                        "Don't worry, I'll take a rain check."
    
          Anselm-
     "Naughty..."                                                         Janice-
                                                                      "Hayyy! Speaking of gettin' naughty,
                                     Lucio-                      Guess who just got the roster pics!"
                        "Isn't that just boring war stuff?"                                   Willem-
                                                                                                     "Depends on how you use it."
         
          Anselm-
  "We're planning on who to sex?"
                                                                                          Janice-
                                                                         "Well, to not mince words, yeah!
                                                         Although really, it's how to sex them as well."
        Anselm-
   "Heh heh heh... your only limit is imagination."

                                                                                       Janice-
                                                            "No you goofball-- ugh. This is for real!
                                                 First-- we gotta decide on who is un-fuck-with-able.
                                                   I hear the progenitors are major freaky-deaky and
                                                    not in a good way. Plus the sexiest ones are dead.
                                 Lucio-            Traaaaa-gic! All in favor?"
                      "In favor of a no                                                             Willem-
                   progenitors rule?"                                         "Dragomir, Lepponen, Greyburn...
                                                                                         I spoke with Wilhelm about everyone
                                                                                                             and I reluctantly concur.
                                                                                                                       No progenitors."
  
       Anselm-                                                                                                  Willem-
"Except this one!"                                                                                   "Always and forever."
                                                                                    Janice-                                                                                      
                                                                          "Oh natch, baby. So should we start
                                     Lucio-                           with the fresh meat or the old guard?"
                             "Old guard means being
                  close to and sucked into war stuff."                                           Willem-
                                                                                                                "The lovely babies it is,
                                                                                                              but after this we need to
                                                                                                              teach that Demetri how
                                                                                                                    to throw down."
      
       Anselm-
"What? Ugh I don't want to talk to that guy.
He keeps calling me."
                                               Lucio-                                                            Willem-
                                      "He's hot for your bod."                          "Trust me, we will not regret it."
               Anselm-
         "What?! I didn't--                                               Janice-
                                                                       "Whatever baby. Let's take it from
                                                                        the top... A certain mister August."

                                       

    
       Anselm-
"I asked, he says he's hetero
  but not... something."       Lucio-                                  Janice-
                                            "Aww, and his hair                "I know!"                    Willem-
                                           is so fluffy and nice."                                        "He's an art school type.
                                                                                                                   Probably be cool if we watch."
                                                                                                   Janice-
                                                                           "And then-- just like spaghetti,
                                                                        straight until you get 'em hot. heh heh
    
          Anselm-
        "You have to boil it."                                          Janice-
                                                                            "Don't foist your fetishes on me, bruh.
                                                                         Aaaanyway, I totally heard he got the girls
                                          Lucio-                    to whip their tatas out for his last flick.
                               "That doesn't seem       You know what that means-- Sex freak."
                                very freaky to me,
                                     somehow."                                   Janice-                                                                                            
                                                                           "I dunno, that's like, at least fifteen percent
                                                                                     of a porno."
    
                                                  Lucio-
                        "Like the most boring fifteen percent."
      Anselm-
 "Yeah it's pretty boring."                                            Janice-
                                                                   "Oh my god, you guys are going WAY too far
                                                                      to wienerland. Come back, just a bit.
            Anselm-                                                    Don't leave me out!"
   "Aw! We still love you,
 don't you remember an hour ago?"                          Janice-
                                                                     "I think you'll have to remind me. Twice."
                                              Lucio-
                                          "Boop boop."  <Lucio deployed his boarding-house reach.
                                                                                                                       Willem-
                                                                                                                  "Moving on then..."
    
                                                                                            Janice-
                                                              "Woo, gotta warm those hands up, boy.
                                                               Anyway, final verdict-- Bide our time,
        Anselm-                                              but it's a hopeful maybe."
    "Ehhh, maybe?"        Lucio-                                                                        Willem-
                                     "How about boop?"                                           "The waitstaff is looking, you."
                                                                                       Janice-
                                                                 "You live with him dude, soften him up.
                                                                       So next-- oh I like this one. A Ms. Babette!"
                                        

    
Anselm-                            Lucio-
"Very pretty.                "She was at Ice Bear.                                                    Willem-
I don't know her."     Very eccentric, kind of..?"                                      "Don't keep me waiting."
                                                "She was very scared, like, wanting to know
                                                etiquette, as if we'd kill her at any moment."
    
    Anselm-
 "Aw, what happened?"                                                Janice-
                                                                        "She's just spooked, 'cause the war and all.
            Anselm-                                         Gotta make her feel safe. We can do that, right?"
"I have those guns at my place,                                     Janice-
good for shooting bad guys?"                            "Eh, nice try hon, but..."              Willem-
                                                                                                                                  "...she just needs
                                                                                                                                       a Lucio hug."
    
                                        Lucio-
                                 "And then we can get busy with her?"                                   Willem-
                                                                                                                                        "Surely."
           Anselm-                                                                    Janice-
     "Always works for me."                              "It's settled! Lucio, put on your
                                                Lucio-                  softest sweater and stretch out
                                         "It will be done."                      your huggin' arms."
                                                                             
                                                                                              Janice-
                                                                   "Next-- Ohh alright, now if there's a sure bet,
                                                                          I think it's this one. Cameron Bogart!"
                                        

    
                                                                                            Janice-
                                                                       "Dude'll give it up, easy-peasy.
                                                                  Coulda got him straight off the dance      Willem-
                                           Lucio-               floor if I hadn't over-diversified."        "Not bad."
                                      "Sometimes a cool
   Anselm-                    hand is necessary."
"He's hetero too!"
    
                                         Lucio-
                                      "Harlan's vampires ain't recruiting right."                Willem-
                                                                                                                                   "Next!"
                                                                                                Janice-
                                                                    "Heh heh, didn't say anything about
                                                                              giving it up for you lot."
       Anselm-
      "So mean."                                                                    Janice-                                             
                                                                       "Whatever... so next, awwww! Little Chloë Blue.
                                                                                How we gonna pull this one off?"
                                        

    
 Anselm-
"Aw, little Rehkitz."      Lucio-
                                     "She seemed quite comfortable with Clovis."                Willem-
                                                                                                                                 "I remember him,
Anselm-                                                                                                                    such a frail boy."
"It's been years, hasn't it?                                           Janice-
Since his  romantisch phase began."         "Riddle solved itself. Invite Clovis,
                                                                           he invites her... come one, come all.
                                    Lucio-                                       YA KNOW? Heh heh!"
                       "I know.  Looking forward to it."
                                                                                            Janice-
                                                                       "Ain't we all. So next... Eh...
                                                                        'Darren Langley?' Ummm..."
                                        

    
 Anselm-
"Oh I talked to him,        Lucio-                                   Janice-
   he's nice."                   "Doesn't look nice."       "Ehh, nice is nice but..."          Willem-
                                                                                                                                    "Does he smell
                                                                                                                                      like he looks?"
    
 Anselm-                                                                                   Janice-
"I dunno, he's kind of...                                          "Oh boo, love yourself."
Schmutzpunk, yeah?            Lucio-
   Just me?"                      "If he's straight, not even worth giving him the hose."

Anselm-
"Okay okay, guilty pleasure then."                               Janice-
                                                                                   "Guilty indeed. So,

                                                                                         next-- Heh, nice. 'Eli' "

<<bearbeite>> Ugh

                         

    
                                         Lucio-
                             "Whoa, nice guyliner, son."                   Janice-
                                                                                  "You know what that means--
                                                                                  'liner on the eyes, likes it in the...
                                            Lucio-                                       uh... thighs?' "
                             "You can tell by his neck                                                                  Willem-
                                  he has something                             Janice-                           "He worked out."
                               under that shirt."            "Okay, what I'm trying to say is
                                                                     hot to trot twink-y boy action right there.
        Anselm-                                                 Like, mrowr, obvious 'do me' signals."
    "He went somewhere
         with Marcus..."
    
                                                                                                 Janice-
                                        Lucio-                                "Oh, nevermind then. Next..."
                                   "Cinzas às cinzas."
                                                                                                 Janice-
                                                                                    "Let's see-- oh la la who's this?  'Jason' "


                                       

    
                                            Lucio-                                                                               Willem-
                                  "Well obviously some kind of                                            "Aesthetically precise,
                                     dispassionate supermodel..."                                  but the fashion sense indeed
Anselm-                                                                                                            suggests someone rebelling
"I do my hair like that                                                    Janice-                             from forced glamor."
when it's very dirty..."                                       "Really? Guess it's good
                                                                                   I never saw it like that."
      Anselm-
  "Yeah, when I was a human
     in a deep depression and                                          Janice-
    not showering for days..."                                "Sheesh dude, boner killer!"
    
Anselm-
"Sorry, umm... think about me                                  Janice-
taking a shower when I'm happy!"                    "Hmm.... okay...almost...
                                                                                     Okay, there we go.
                                              Lucio-                       So, bun boy, what's his deal?"
                               "A glamorous samurai
                                who fell on hard times."                                                    Willem-
                                                                                                                    "And immune to the charms of
                                                                                                                           myself and Engelsdorff..."
                                                                                               
    
                                                                                            Janice-
                                                                                  "Dyamn well... What chance
                                                                                      do the rest of us have?"             Willem-
                                                                                                                                 "I dunno, maybe if we get
                                             Lucio-                                                                        6-10 of his little buddies...
                                     "He did seem tight with them, but for the first
                                    time in my life, I'm going to say 'sounds like
                                                too much work just to get laid.' "
             Anselm-
            "Wow..."                                                     Janice-
                                                                       "Wait, so are these bun things in style
                                                                    now?  That's what we're looking at, right?"
                       Anselm-
                    "Beats me."                                           Janice-
                                                                      "...Huh. Got some catching up to do.
                                                                      So next-- uh, yikes. 'Nick the Cutter.' "

                                       

    
                                          Lucio-                                                                                    Willem-
                                 "Looks like someone who'd                                             "A dead-eyed salesman of
                                       poo in the urinal..."                                                         proctology equipment."
Anselm-                                                                              Janice-
"And look under the stall doors..."                    "Maybe the less said on this one,
                                                                               the better? Move on? Err, next is 'Quinn.' "
                                       

    
Anselm-
"Umm... nerd. Sorry."     Lucio-                                  
                                       "Well, you know... um.         Janice-
                                            I dunno man."              "Sexy schoolteacher?"           Willem-
                                                                                                                                  "What's this feeling?"
                                               Lucio-
                                       "Definitely the second,
Anselm-                        not as much the first."           Janice-
"Glennish people have                                       "I could get down with an             Willem-
such fluffy hair."                                              awkward nerd-o, they could         "Why this vision of
                                              Lucio-                      be total freaks in bed."              shelves, so full of books,
                                "Let us know how that goes."                                                     dusty and forgotten?
                                                                                           Janice-
                                                                          "Ugh you guys, you just got your
                                                                                boners killed earlier."
                                            Lucio-
                                      "It ain't wrong."                      Janice-
                                                                          "Whatever. You guys are so boring.
                                                                                   Next up-- 'Ru.'
                                       

    
                                                                                       Janice-
                                                                               "Aw, so cute! Doable?"
     Anselm-
    "Yes, cute."                        Lucio-                                                                 Willem-           
                                    "I dunno, at that party                                       "Chic and poetic, looks
                                  seemed like he'd explode                                    like an electro musician
                               and die at the thought of                                           with a morbid soul."
                             someone kissing his cheek..."           Janice-                          
                                                                                       "Long-game maybe?"
                                         Lucio-                                                                                  "Worth it."
                                  "Check in after 50 years."               Janice-
                                                                 "On my calendar. Now 'Tr-- uh, Try-lee... on?' "

                                       

    
  Anselm-                                                                                                                          Willem-
"So many glamor babies."                                           Janice-                                 "Were she a man, I
                                                                             "Intimidating, in a good way,         wouldn't hesitate."
                                              Lucio-                     well and... the other way."
                                  "Bet she's a secret book-nerd."                                                         Willem-
                                                                                             Janice-                                      "Again I see a world
                                                                        "Yeah, total nose-in-a-book 24/7"         of book spines, all
Anselm-                                                                                                                              printed in gilt so faded
"Eh... makes me feel strange."                                                                                     that they can never be
                                                                                            Janice-                                               read, forsaken by
                                                                                 "Yeah, let's move on. 'Tristan'--                    all time and
                                                                             Oh my god you guys. Remember him?"            memory."

                                       

    
Anselm-                                                                          Janice-
"Wow."                            Lucio-                              "Why oh why didn't he
                                        "siiiigh"                             come with us tonight?"               Willem-
Anselm-                                                                                                                           "Why wasn't I
"Why haven't I seen him?"                                    Janice-                                           at Ice Bear?"
                                                                           "Because for some reason he
                                                                         didn't like the idea of a bondage club?
                                         Lucio-                        Otherwise he seemed good to go."
Anselm-                     "Very good."                                                                                     Willem-
"Yeah."                                                                Janice-                                                   "The best."
                                                                       "Oh yes... he will be ours."

[Thy Dungyeon Maestyr]

The crew bought a round of coffees to turn to sludge while they sexually objectified more vampires.

    
                                                                                            Janice-
                                                                                   "Well that was fun.   
                                                                                  Now for the oldsters!               Willem-
Anselm-                                   Lucio-                                                                     "Sexy oldsters - my people."
"I hope less heteros."   "Don't count on it.                   
                                  We're still talking Glenland."      Janice-
                                                                          "Shhh, don't ruin my optimism.        Willem-
                                                                         First up, our big boss-- Demetri."      "Demetri."
                                       

    
Anselm-
"Ugh, not even              Lucio-                                             Janice-
  going to look."        "You should.  He looks               "Ohhh yeah."
                                       like my brother from                                                             Willem-
Anselm-                           another mother."                                                           "I can kind of see it - that
"Hm."                                                                                                         Inner Sea look.  What else do I like?
                                                                                                                      He looks gay.  Something about his
                                                                                                                       bearing, even in this picture.  He's
                                                                                                                          seen the world and the only cure
                                        Lucio-                                                                              for his heart is man love."
                                    "That's a bit much."
    
Anselm-                                                                               Janice-
"Really?"                                                                    "I dunno, take a look!"
                                                                                            
Janice waved the phone in front of Anselm.
    
Anselm-
"Ugh! No, I don't want to know."                              Janice-
                                                                                 "Oh well, you'll find out             Willem-
                                                                                  when we're doing him."         "You will know..."
          Anselm-
        "Next please!"      Lucio-
                                       "Must we?"                            Janice-
                                                                          "Alright alright. Here's 'Ellen.'
                                       

    
Anselm-
"Like the girl in the movie                                                                                        Willem-
who takes her glasses off                                                                                      "What does Janice think?"
and becomes a supermodel."     Lucio-                        Janice-
                                    "She's not wearing glasses..."       "Hmmm while my eyes say
Anselm-                                                                               'nerdwad,' my heart says...
"Okay, she puts the glasses on?"                                   well, 'nerdwad.' Other parts
                                                                                     say 'get her out of that sweatshirt.' "
Anselm-
"Yeah, sweetshirt's no good."     Lucio-                                                                                      
                                     "Curse you fashion, why must                                            Willem-
                                              you be so important?                                               "That's why I'm a nudist."
Anselm-
"Hurra for that."                                                                  Janice-
                                                                                "Bully for us! Anyway, here's 'Florence.' "

                                       

    
Anselm-                                                                              Janice-
"Beautiful!"                       Lucio-                  "Now that's a classy dame."
                                         "Charming."                                                                             Willem-
Anselm-                                                                             Janice-                           "Very aesthetically
"Too classy for us?"                                           "No one is, darlin'.                              pleasing."
                                             Lucio-                          Not for long."
                                     "She's the kind you do
                                    bring home to mother."
Anselm-
"Let's each bring her a red rose.                                Janice-
She looks romantic."                                           "Let's throw the whole
                                                                                   florist at 'er. Next is--'Fran.'
                                                                                               HELLO!"
                                       

    
Anselm-                                                                            Janice-
"Very nice!"                     Lucio-                        "Now that's the sensual lady-vamp
                                        "Sporty, yet                      action this country's missing!"
Anselm-                               saucy."
"I don't even mind the                                                                                     Willem-
sportswear!"                                                                                                   "How nice for all of you.
                                                                                                                         I do like to see you happy."
                                                                                       Janice-
                                                                      "Oh yeah, I'm gettin' them digi's.
                                                              So next is 'Gaston-Louis?' Oh la la indeed."

                                       

    
 Anselm-
"Hahaha, nice hair but                                               Janice-
  obviously a dork."           Lucio-                        "Dork is workable, innit?"
                                            "He's built."
 Anselm-                                                                                                                     Willem-
  "Look at the jacket, bet it's floor-length and                                     "This kind of dork...  Too often
the pockets are stuffed with nerd trading-cards."                                     are homophobic trash."

                                           Lucio-
                                     "A card for each insecurity,                                                Willem-
                                  so heavy he can scarcely move."                                           "Next!"
                                                                                        Janice-
                                                                              "Aw, alright. This is 'Helen.'
                                       

    
                                                                                            Janice-
Anselm-                                                                        "Oh she's--"
"Before you start, she told me                                                                              Willem-
she's into Boytown Funf...                                                                                 "Aww, what an adorable child.
Think of what that implies."                                                                             That is strength, remaining so
                                          Lucio-                                                                            whimsical for so many years."
                                     "Hey lechers, leave
  chris drops non-        that kid alone."                       Janice-
     KF song refs                                                      "Aw what a peach.
                                                                           Well, another rule-- moratorium
                                                                    on the babbies. Sure we're cool on that.
                                                                          Next...! 'Sarah.' "
                                       

    
Anselm-
"Hotsy-totsy."                 Lucio-                                 Janice-
                                        "The Glennish fair."     "Noice, haven't been with          Willem-
Anselm-                                                                     a redhead in a spell.                "Mm.  Fine."
"I'd like to dress her like                                          She looks feisty!"
a fashion doll."                 
                                                                                             Janice-
                                                                                   "I'd like to undress her like a ...
Anselm-                                                                   whatever it takes, heheh."
"Okay, that's a good combo."       Lucio-
                                                            "She's something else.  Arouses the curiosity."

                                                                                             Janice-
                                                                "Yus indeed. Next up, another Bri-bowie. 'Thierry.'"
                                       

    
Anselm-                          Lucio-                                     Janice-
"Angry baby."           "Is that a Dimstam        "Uh. Yup. Next... 'Vitus,'
                                            Dibaroth tee?"              Nice, nice, an adult..."          Willem-
                                                                                                                                          "About time."
                                       

    
Anselm-                                                                             Janice-
"Sad statue."                    Lucio-                    "Why do all these oldsters
                                      "Did I already            dress like they're going for a jog?"
                             lament the importance
Anselm-                                      of fashion?                                                           Willem-
"He needs to show more                                                                                    "Yes you did."
cleavage like the other sportiv."                                Janice-
                                                                           "It's the least he could do."
Anselm-
"Maybe I'll dress him too.                                       Janice-
Heheh..."                                                     "Please. They all need help.
                                                                   Here's our final entry on the 'homies'
                                                                  side-- our good, dear old pal Wilhelm."

                                       

    
Anselm-                                                                         Janice-
"Tch, no challenge                                               "Hey, sometimes you just
in that one."                     Lucio-                             need a stress-free lay.
                                     "Such a sweet guy."             I'm alright with that."             Willem-
Anselm-                                                                                                                  "He's quite the
"Oh reeeally Janice?                                                      Janice-                            charmer..."
I never knew."                                                     "Don't make me read
                                                                                     this hat to you."
    
                                                                                                                             Willem-
                                                                                                          "Too bad about Marchese.
                                                                                                      They used to be a package deal.
Anselm-                                                                         Janice-        
"Ohh... I think I remember                              "Damn, it's been a few 
once, when I was a baby!                                     years, hasn't it?   
Aw, he was interesting."    Lucio-                        Poor old Dom."
                                                  "Again with the war..."
                                                                                                                                           
    
                                                                                             Janice-
                                                                                   "Well I'm sure ol' Vilhelm
                                                                                    can show us a good time
          Anselm-                                                           even by his lonesome."
"He'll have plenty of company
   when he's with us."
                                         Lucio-  "He will get the best Lucio hugs ever."            Willem-
                                                                                                                               "I like it.  I love it."
            Anselm-
  "The perfect host."
    
 Anselm-                                     
"I know the rule, but can      Lucio-
I see Lord Greyburn?"       "Can't restrain
                                                    yourself?"
 Anselm-                                                                              Janice-                             Willem-
"Just curious..."                                                            "Sure, sure."                         "Hm..."


                                       

    
                                                                                           Janice-
 Anselm-                                                                      "Heheh, nice."                      Willem-
 "Hm..."                          Lucio-                                                                         "I've heard so much about him,
                               "You're thinking about it,                                                  it's very interesting to see his
                                           aren't you?"                                                                   face at last."
Anselm-
"Can't stop me."           Lucio-
                                  "I heard some sick shit                 
                                       about that guy."
Anselm-                                                                          Janice-                                Willem-
"Oh?"                              Lucio-                                "siiiigh, Yeah..."             "Oh yes.  He was a serial killer
                                 "Yeah, he makes this big                                                in the late Holy Ages.  Terrible."
                                 sausage out of his victims, one big long
                                 nasty thing he's been stitching together
                                 for 500 years, dried like mummy jerky
                                 on one end, bloated with decay closer
                                 to the front, and all drippy ripe in the
                                 leading end."                                Janice-
                                                                                 "They say it fills an entire
                                                                          room.  The one I heard is that
                                                               he stacks up the heads of prostitutes
                                                                to build a body for a weird alien god         Willem-
                                                                he invented.  Plus Alex DeHavilland       "Those might be slightly
                                                                            ripped him off for his                 exaggerated, but his legend -
                                                                                   signature look."          as well as the fact he is a vampire -
                                                                                                                            have spread nearly as far as that
                                                                                                                                              of Dragomir."
    
                                          Lucio-
                              "So, that dampen your ardor?"
          Anselm-                                                                                                            Willem-
"I wouldn't say ardor but...                                       Janice-                 "What's the conflict,
     I'm conflicted."                                                        "Ohh?"                          Anselm?"

        Anselm-
"Well, rotten people sausages versus
gigantic yet delicate artist's hands..."                                                                  Willem-
                                        Lucio-                                  Janice-                     "What is art?  Baby,
                                   "That is conflicting."             "Mmm..."                       don't hurt me."

[Thy Dungyeon Maestyr]

The four bought a banana split, and let it turn into multi-colored ooze as they discussed. Anselm took an ice cube from a long fizzled soda and drew designs on the laminated table.

    
                                                                                               Janice-
                                                                        "So I don't know if it's ~too~ pervy,
                                                                 but I'm really curious about these bad guys.
                                                                           Like, as a thought experiment."
Anselm-                                                                                                                                    Willem-
"Ooh, dangerous. Let's try."                                                                                            "Diabolical."
                                                                                              Janice-
                                           Lucio-                "Here's our little defector, 'Trevor.' "
                                   "Ooh I wonder..."
                                       

    
Anselm-                            Lucio-                                      Janice-                                    Willem-
"Aw, little pumpkin."      "Ehh..."                   "I can't tell if our 'no-pedo'          "What went wrong,
                                                                  rule needs to come into play here..."           young man?"
Anselm-                                                                       
"Interesting blazer choice."              "Hm... Don't know what you
                                                                        call that color. Oh well.
                                                                  How about the big baddie?
                                                           Oooooh.. this is an artistic rendering!"
                                       

    
Anselm-                                                                          Janice-
"Even more of a baby."       Lucio-             "Ugh! What happened to the
                                                   "Is he so              romantic villains of yore?                  Willem-
                                                 deranged?"           Like the kind that could                    "I suspect this
                                                                            grow a beard and not get carded?"    rendering leaves
                                                                                                                                                  much to be desired."
    
Anselm-                                                                              Janice-
"Wait, THAT'S badboy?!"      Lucio-                     "Eh..."                                     Willem-
                                                   "But is he doable?"                                                    "Pass."

    
Anselm-
"How disappointing...
I was thinking more like                                        Janice-
white t-shirt and sunglasses.                      "Guess we'll have defeat him
He's just a bad boy."                                      faster so we can get a better
                                              Lucio-                     villain in the future."                     Willem-
                                          "For damn sure."                                                           "Well we aren't here
                                                     Lucio-                                                                            to sex him."
                                                          "Does that stop us with anyone else?"
         
                                                                                                                                                      Willem-
                                                                                                                                                 "Indeed... So all told,
                                                                                                                                                  Harlan is LadyTown,
                                                Lucio-                                                                                       and my gay ass is
                                            "Oh, it's not so bad."                                                                     out of luck."
Anselm-                                                                            Janice-
"I like your gay ass..."                                         "Yeah I guess it's good
                                                                              for me, nice break from y'all,
                                                                                     no offense, but still...
                                                                            Get your act together, Harlan."

Anselm-
"Aw, maybe some of the cute                            Janice-
gay boys died..."                                 "Guess it's up to us to restore
                                                   the sexy balance to this war-torn region!
                                                              And it's... uh, nether-regions!"
                                                   Lucio-
                                               "Helllll yes.
         
                                                                                           Janice-
                                                                      "Overall, I got my bucket list,
Anselm-                                                          but how about you guys?
"Yeah, mine's mostly                                            Sorry Willem..."
girls too... That doesn't speak
well for the city..."                                                     Janice-
                                     Lucio-                      "At least we can all agree on
                                "Fran.   And                    that Tristan and Wilhelm.
                             Florence, dressed          OMG-- imagine this. Both."
                       like Ru.  At an old-time                                                                   Willem-
                         Antearctan drive-in                                                             "Oh, do you think we can?
                         restaurant with nude                                                            I hope we can...  We can."
                           waiters on skates....  Also, Tristan and Wilhelm.  On skates."
   Anselm-
    "Hot."
  
                                                                                          Janice-
                                                                                   "Alright squad, we can do this!
                                                                                           And we can do them!
Anselm-                                    Lucio-                          We'll do everyone!           Willem-
"At least part of them!"     "Makeouts                                                                  "We've got the
                                                    for miles."                Janice-                                               spirit."
                                                                                  "You guys get any hot intel,
                                                                                       let each other know.
               Anselm-                        Lucio-                   We will win this war!"
               "Rah-rah!"      "This war I can handle."

And with the last dribble of banana split splattering on the table, the waitress's hairy-eyeball could be stood no longer. The vampires tipped generously and ventured back out into their dark domain.