!!LE UPDATE!CHARACTER PROFILES - TEACHERS & OTHERS

[◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊]

Here we have the profiles for teachers, and other students at PHS.

NOTE-- Cliques here cannot be joined, SRY! You wouldn't want to join them anyway...

[◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊]

CLIQUE:
SCARY PREPPIES

LEADER:



NAME: Jen Washoe

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO:
Jen is, what one might call "intense." She used to be friends with Lucy Garfield and Heather Collins, they formed a rather popular and attractive group, but they had some sort of falling out. She and Jennifer Kessler split off into a new group. Jen is not the most popular or most beautiful girl in the school, but is widely thought to be the coolest. Her cruel streak is not as well known as it should be, since its mainly directed at total rejects. The strange flip-side of that is that she has close contact with some of the total dregs of the school, on the occasions they are seen together, people assume it's about drugs. Her clique supplies drugs to all preppies and jocks. Her parents are rich and disinterested, and associated with the same pseudo-Masonic organization as Alex Adamson's parents.


AGE/GRADE LEVEL:
17/Junior

CLUBS/JOB:
None

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HER:
Lesbian (short hair), gave a blow job to EVERY boy, broke up with Ian because he beat her, was dumped by Ian because she wanted to handcuff him for kinky sex, has AIDS, was dumped by Ian because she has AIDS, does and sells every drug known to man, Dad is actually Ozzy Osbourne, she microwaved a baby while on drugs, she gave drugs to a baby, she had a baby and gave it drugs.

BF/GF?:
Broke up with Ian Davis, some people still think they're going out, now ostensibly going out with Curtis Walton.

FAVORITE MUSIC: Whitesnake, Motley Crue, Guns 'n' Roses, Cinderella




NAME: Jennifer Kessler

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO: The secret crush of about 25% of the school (gender regardless) because she looks a lot like Madonna, and she has that shy, damaged look about her like she must be the sweetest person in the universe. All she has to do is smile, and she KILLS 'EM! Accordingly, she's pretty popular, and has conferred extra popularity on 'key club psycho' Kevin Terrence. Despite the attention, she is fairly shy and doesn't say much.

AGE/GRADE LEVEL:
16/Junior

CLUBS/JOB:
Quit her job at Arby's with Heather.

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HER:
She blows rockstars, she is a porn star, she humped EVERY boy, she was molested by the mayor of Seaport, she does cocaine, her nose cartilage is gone from cocaine and so she wears a fake nose to school, has bulimia, she is beaten by her boyfriend.

BF/GF?:
Kevin Terrence

FAVORITE MUSIC:
Wham!, Prince, Madonna actually, Bon Jovi



NAME: Kevin Terrence (Key Club psycho)

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO:
Kevin has always been socially invisible, in a good way. People know that he's there, no one hates him, no one likes him. Just one or two incidents in junior high taught him all the lessons he needed to slip through the social minefield of high school unscathed. He's fairly empty inside, does not know who he'd like to be, is finding his childhood dreams increasingly meaningless. Spiritually adrift, now he's starting to express cruel urges. He only earned his nickname very recently when he was overheard saying something horrible to his girlfriend. What that thing was varies depending on ranging on a scale from "I'm going to tattoo your eye" to "I'm gonna cut off your tits you fucking skank".

AGE/GRADE LEVEL:
17/Senior

CLUBS/JOB:
Key club

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HIM:
PSYCHO! He is a transfer student, his parents have all the money, double-secret Jew, got a boner in the locker room, got a perforated colon when he was twelve from letting a dog do him in the butt

BF/GF?:
Jennifer Kessler

FAVORITE MUSIC: Huey Lewis & the News, Whitney Houston, Genesis



NAME: Colin Patterson

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO:
A social nobody, some people picked on him, some didn't. He used to be friends with some of the rejects, but has distanced himself from them somehow worming his way into the periphery of preppies. That just changed within the last year, as he has ostentatiously revealed his political allegiances. Ironically, many people at the school would agree with him about blacks and Jews, but the Nazism just seems too 'bad-guy'-ish. He is under some kind of umbrella of protection by Jen Washoe, allowing him to still move in a limited preppie circle though he is shunned by anyone sane.

AGE/GRADE LEVEL:
16/Junior

CLUBS/JOB:
Neo-Nazi party

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HIM:
Is actually 22 and was held back because he is stupid and ugly, will buy you alcohol if you ask, killed a black kid, secret Jew (OMG), will kill somebody for money, is skilled with Filipino killing sticks, carries a gun to school in bag, raped Lucy Garfield, his dad is the mayor of Seaport.

BF/GF?:
None

FAVORITE MUSIC: Nobody wants to know.

Someone might be in this clique if...

They're a preppie with an extremely dark secret. They do expensive drugs. They like stadium rock.

[◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊]

CLIQUE:
JOCKS

LEADER:



NAME: John Garfield

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO:
John is Lucy Garfield's younger brother and may be slightly more popular than her in his own grade. John's one of the more popular jocks of the younger crowd, and enjoys more freedom from his restrictive parents than Lucy does. (For example, being allowed to date already and she is not.) John might have actually been smart once, but has practiced intellectual laziness enough that he may beyond hope.

AGE/GRADE LEVEL:
15/Sophomore

CLUBS/JOB:
Basketball

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HIM:
He got a titty-fuck from Mrs. Stevenson, the Key Club psycho got a boner looking at HIM in the showers, of course he's doing his sister, he won't do a lady unless it's in the butt

BF/GF?:
Claire McClusky

FAVORITE MUSIC: Quiet Riot, Van Halen, AC/DC, Def Leppard




NAME: Reggie Wyatt

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO: Reggie's one of the only black kids in the school district. He's an effortlessly popular, pleasant, athletic and genial kind of guy. He has some problems that no one else can understand, and spends a lot of his time fighting the urge to do anything angry because every time he does, he's 'that angry black guy.' His family are good but put a lot of pressure on him, and are very high-strung and successful.

AGE/GRADE LEVEL:
16/Junior

CLUBS/JOB:
Football

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HIM:
He's a rapper, he knows RUN DMC, he knows Eddie Murphy, he has sex with WHITE WOMEN, he's good at athletics because black people have an extra muscle in their leg

BF/GF?:
Tanya Spiner

FAVORITE MUSIC:
Cameo, Rick James, Morris Day & the Time, Janet Jackson



NAME: Tanya Spiner

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO:
Tanya was medium popular as a girl, but in junior high grew too tall, too broad shouldered and began to get a lot of grief. Since she got into athletics in high school, she's regained a measure of her popularity, but is still at a remove, especially because of her recent decision to date Reggie Wyatt.

AGE/GRADE LEVEL:
16/Junior

CLUBS/JOB:
Ladies basketball

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HER:
Tanya has sex with a BLACK GUY because he has a really big dick but he gave her AIDS and got her pregnant twice

BF/GF?:
Reggie Wyatt

FAVORITE MUSIC: Janet Jackson, Michael Jackson, Cyndi Lauper



NAME: Buddy Parrish

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO:
Buddy is that guy, that dirty joke dude who can't take anything seriously for even two seconds. Most of his jokes involve pretending to want to do gay things to people, or saying that other people want to do gay things. He's irritating, but most people only ever get small doses of it, so they think he's funny. He can get girlfriends pretty often, for some reason it never lasts more than a week.

AGE/GRADE LEVEL:
15/Sophomore

CLUBS/JOB:
Wrestling

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HIM:
Molested Lucy Garfield in a broom closet, is in love with Lucy Garfield, has no pubes, is an albino with no pubes, likes to get it in the butt

BF/GF?:
None at the moment

FAVORITE MUSIC: Beastie Boys (just Fight for your Right really..), LL Cool J (calls his friends Reggie 'Cool J',) Twisted Sister

Someone might be in this clique if...

They're in SPORTS! (and are below Senior grade.) That's about it.

[Thy Dungyeon Maestyr]

CLIQUE:
FACULTY & SCHOOL EMPLOYEES

LEADER:

The leader is Vice Principal Stoddard, who will be introduced soon.




NAME: Coach Linus VanAuk

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO:
Coach VanAuk can be kind occasionally, but is as unhinged as the stereotypes portray. Watch out for the neck veins and don't expect mercy until you are crying.

AGE:
50

SPORTS/JOB:
Parkville High's administration got serious about sports, leaving Linus in charge of... Nothing but the P.E. program, Health, and Biology classes. Hired guns or other faculty coach the sports teams. That probably keeps Linus out of jail.

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HIM:
Gay, has gay boners for... this is getting boring to write, is insane, was insane, escaped from an insane asylum, eats insanity and craps lightning.

MARITAL STATUS:
Divorced a long time ago.

FAVORITE MUSIC: Dolly and Patsy. No one else.




NAME: Mr. Harry Spar

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO:
Harry is a creepy, kinda quiet, very tall guy. He'll look down at you and ask you what you're doing, and give you extra credit for being in sports.

AGE:
41

SPORTS/JOB:
Harry coaches the girl's basketball, track, and volleyball teams. He also teaches art, if you call that teaching. He's pretty good at coaching those girls... Maybe too good. For some reason the girls outside the sports programs are much more leery of him than those within.

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HIM:
Molested everyone in the Universe except you, and you're next.

MARITAL STATUS:
Divorced recently.

FAVORITE MUSIC: AC-DC, Skynyrd, George Thoroughgood, ZZ Top.




NAME: Mrs. Regina Stoller

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO:
This is the only black teacher at PHS. She thinks of herself as getting along well and being kind, but all the kids see her as a cold-hearted bitch, or worse. The truth? If you suck at math, don't be a dick about it, or she's gonna bust your ass.

AGE:
48

JOB:
Regina teaches all kinds of math, and occasionally other classes. She helps with a lot of administrative chores at the school and PTA activities.

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HER:
She came from Africa with a bone through her nose and other horrible shit, also that she hates children and took the job just to have an opportunity to hurt them.

MARITAL STATUS:
Married to a half Japanese dentist.

FAVORITE MUSIC: Progressive Jazz and occasional Joan Baez.




NAME: Mrs. Della Stephenson

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO:
Della is the woman that boys attracted to women are usually attracted to. It has something to do with having disproportionately large breasts for a slim woman. Somehow, she's adjusted to the attention of the dogs, probably by demoting them to the status of naughty animals in her mind. She gets along with all students and faculty.

AGE:
34

JOB:
Mrs. Stephenson teaches history classes at all grade levels, and occasionally other classes as well. She's covering a freshman English class this semester as well as her usual load.

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HER:
Mrs. Stephenson has breast implants and if she goes on an airplane, they'll come popping out of her nipples, she can't bend over or again with the popping, and she let John Garfield hump her boobs. Twice. And they popped out.

MARITAL STATUS:
Married to a young community college professor.

FAVORITE MUSIC: Fleetwood Mack, The Doobie Brothers.




NAME: Mr. Samuel Prine

GENERAL DESCRIPTION & BIO:
Mr. Prine is a skinny, tired little man, with a dark sense of humor. His love for the kids still shines though almost every day, in the way he treats outsiders. Jocks and such beware, though... He is tired and dark for a reason, and tag, you're it.

AGE:
44

JOB:
Mr. Prine teaches various English classes plus Creative Writing and Poetry. There's no Poetry class this year.

VICIOUS RUMORS ABOUT HIM:
Picks one girl out each year as his favorite, treats her nice all year, then molests the livin' business out of her right before Summer break. Duh!

MARITAL STATUS:
Married to a former accountant, who quit to tend the home.

FAVORITE MUSIC: Elton John, Billy Joel, Elvis Costello, and other odd items.