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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Jun 11, 2013 22:26:00 GMT -8
Come here to talk about any of the stories being posted here, or to ask for input about stories of your own, here or anywhere!
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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Jun 11, 2013 22:58:01 GMT -8
...here is a link to a story I recently edited a few hours ago. It's not finished, mind you. I still have LOTS to put into it. But I would love it if I got some feedback and friendly criticism! (And possibly ideas for chapters? c: ) ... - Nevermore www.wattpad.com/story/1276455-roseP.S. ...My work is only of beginners quality, so please help me! ;-; <3 OK, since our forum has no stories to critique or laud as of yet, does anyone have some feedback for Nevermore? I haven't had a chance to read it just yet, but the first page was fun! If no one else answers, I will totally come back in here after I read it. Person's honor. (I wasn't a scout.)
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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Jun 12, 2013 18:46:58 GMT -8
ROOOOOOOOOOSe.......! OK, it was a pretty easy read. The characters were punky wiseacres, so that's nice. Reading something where everyone makes lofty announcements in iambic pentameter isn't so fun. And the last installment brings back the supernatural & suggests everything up to that was a lead-in for something bigger. Good job I don't know what the standard is in the fan community, but I would like to have seen labels of what the story referenced, right at the beginning. Like, "ROSE" -by Nevermore a Thing X fan story That way I could know where to look if I wanted more background for the story, y' know? Otherwise, pretty cool.
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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Jun 26, 2013 0:46:22 GMT -8
DeeK- I'm pretty sure I have an idea what's going on in your story, but I don't know if I should discuss it here, because maybe you want to keep it highly cryptic for the people. Of course, I don't know how it's going to end, or involve velvet science, and so on. But I figured out who your characters are. You said a keyword would appear in each part, but do you mean it will appear as written, or be alluded to? Some personification of imperialism (secret emperor?) and a murderous diver (ninjas etc?) have been mentioned, but not in the exact words. How you wanna play that? So far it's looking pretty cool. I like the contrast between big money guy and trying to get the fancy coffee guy.
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DKender
Only One Skeleton has the Power to Control both Life and Death, Light and Dark, Words and Blank Space, Our Humble Lives Continue Only by the Grace and Magnanimity of This Skeleton
Nay, let us walk from fire unto firey skeleton ...
Posts: 9,204
Gender: Unknown Skeleton
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Post by DKender on Jun 26, 2013 13:35:07 GMT -8
Awesome! ;D You noticed my ninja edit last night. I'd love to hear your (or any anyone else's) ideas, since the cryptic stuff will actually be revealed early on, so worrying about spoilers is not a problem. All but one keyword will be mentioned explicitly. Haha, you've guessed the non explicit one (secret emperor). Tlatoani is actually a title, rather than a name, but the characters don't know that Also! One problem I habitually have, when writing fiction is concerned = I don't give the readers enough information to understand the plot or important parts of the plot. So that's why it helps to have people put up a red flag when stuff gets confusing. JARA THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO! It's impossible to hurt my feelings. I promise forever. Edit: Speaking of discussing stories, I've been enjoying Thierry's adventure. His forevayoung situation makes for unique challenges.
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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Jun 26, 2013 14:04:47 GMT -8
So Tlatoani is related to Tlaloc, a god who needs little kids' hearts to bring the rain. Of course, that guy is a bit callous and interested in murder, but a Conquistador deserves that kinda company. There's these two characters that seem like they could be embodiments of abstract concepts, a la the Greek gods or other polytheistic figures, representing Western Imperialism and Indigenous Peoples. Or if Tlatoani is a job title, maybe in this universe there's some kind of power that can be passed from one person to the next that is related to those forces, which makes one wonder if the Conquistador is the same. Like the last Conquistador recruited him out of human resources, and in the corner office gave him a sacred black powder pistol which bestowed the power of conquisting when used to kill dude number one. Chk-blAOW!
Kelly has the same supposed problem you describe. The thing is, do you need everybody to understand, or are you OK with some things only being available to a subset of readers? It lets the subset feel like so-cool-guys, and if there's still enough understandable to entertain the rest of the peoples, you probably did just fine.
Thanks for reading my story! I have now posted everything that was pre-written, and the rest will come up more slowly. Ho-hum....
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DKender
Only One Skeleton has the Power to Control both Life and Death, Light and Dark, Words and Blank Space, Our Humble Lives Continue Only by the Grace and Magnanimity of This Skeleton
Nay, let us walk from fire unto firey skeleton ...
Posts: 9,204
Gender: Unknown Skeleton
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Post by DKender on Jun 26, 2013 15:00:52 GMT -8
All shall be reveeeealed! Pretty soon, actually. Bwaha.
OMG Kristi your round robin entries are the bomb dot com.
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Post by ∆§Indea§∆ on Jun 26, 2013 15:08:11 GMT -8
Your story is fantastic DK, actually most indefinitely both of you stories are! Great work! It's really fun reading this stuff.
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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Jun 26, 2013 15:55:07 GMT -8
Aww. Thanks Indea.
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DKender
Only One Skeleton has the Power to Control both Life and Death, Light and Dark, Words and Blank Space, Our Humble Lives Continue Only by the Grace and Magnanimity of This Skeleton
Nay, let us walk from fire unto firey skeleton ...
Posts: 9,204
Gender: Unknown Skeleton
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Post by DKender on Jul 5, 2013 13:26:11 GMT -8
Hmmm! The nature of vampires in Kingfisherverse is very interesting. Thierry, investigate moar on behalf of readers.
Kidding! The mystery is also fun.
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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Jul 5, 2013 17:29:44 GMT -8
Yeah, I shouldn't go too far down the hole of explaining shit.
BTW, what stuff in the comic does this make you think of...?
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DKender
Only One Skeleton has the Power to Control both Life and Death, Light and Dark, Words and Blank Space, Our Humble Lives Continue Only by the Grace and Magnanimity of This Skeleton
Nay, let us walk from fire unto firey skeleton ...
Posts: 9,204
Gender: Unknown Skeleton
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Post by DKender on Jul 5, 2013 17:46:55 GMT -8
The "separate but not" part of Thierry reminds me of the other self (that's not exactly the right word to describe it - I fail at life ) that progenitors in the comic demonstrate. Like Allison's goaty creature. BTW, Allison's tarot features Claude and another little demon chained at her feet. Is that Dumbella?
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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Jul 5, 2013 19:31:51 GMT -8
Dumbella's only appearance in-comic was in www.borfy.com/Kingfisher/Bonus4.htmlYup, she's the lil' bit on Allison's tarot. Allison in comic gets goaty looking, but she also has a friend (or two) of a type we have seen nowhere but through her eyes. Am I spelling things out too much? I'm sure you'd prefer I didn't, but anyhow...
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Post by Dr. Maneep Pamplemousse on Jul 5, 2013 19:36:27 GMT -8
That close up frame of the dude in cat form could totally make an awesome t-shirt.
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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Jul 5, 2013 19:53:31 GMT -8
Haha... *siiiiigh* We gotta figure out how to do merch without putting ourselves out or going crazier than we already are. But that's mad off topic.
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