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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Nov 10, 2018 19:30:58 GMT -8
The tape rewound for so long, at some point you just had to give up and hit play
midway through. VOICE-
"I just feel so alone... Trapped inside my head. No one really
knows what anyone else is thinking about; they can never know it.
How can we ever hope to really connect to someone?" A young teenage girl. Sounded like one you'd counseled three years ago about
her parents' divorce, but it had turned into a whole existential crisis the more
you talked.
Your voice came on. What had you said to her? |
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Post by ∆§Indea§∆ on Nov 10, 2018 20:02:34 GMT -8
 I had told her that was what her voice was for, that we're all reaching out for meaning and connection. She just needed a way to let it all out. She just had to find her own voice, one that felt real for her. I hadn't even believed my own words but it had sounded good at the time. I was never sure whether I had helped her or not. I still wasn't sure why I was hearing this of all things. It scared me, I didn't want this for Tabitha. Teenagerhood was too young for such a bleak outlook. I had strived hard to give her all the building blocks for a good life. She had everything she needed... |
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Nov 10, 2018 20:11:59 GMT -8
VOICE-
"I guess that's why people go for religion. Just to feel like someone's
listening inside their heads. I don't know what it's like to be a-- y'know,
psychologist. Does it ever feel like you're crawling around in
someone's mind? That sounds weird, huh." You didn't remember her saying that. Wasn't impossible; teens were pretty
imaginative, but still... you might have remembered that. But there was your
voice in response... |
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Post by ∆§Indea§∆ on Nov 10, 2018 20:40:39 GMT -8
I heard myself give one of my stock standard answers that usually meant I stopped listening and was thnking about different things. I asked her to expand on her thoughts. Tell me what she thought it meant. Usually my clients fell for it and I could glean what they had said earlier. People weren't usually looking for my opinion anyway, just a reaffirmation of their own. I spun slightly on my chair, pulling my fingers through my hair. There was a lot less of it than had been there three years ago.What was the point of this? What was this room trying to tell me. I kept listening. I was good at that.
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Nov 10, 2018 20:50:35 GMT -8
VOICE-
"I wonder what it would be like to be inside someone else's head.
What if you lost your own body and got stuck there? Just being
someone's split personality or something." You promptly corrected her outdated terminology."--I mean," she continued, "The voice in our heads, is that our soul?
Do you think crazy p-- um, people with... dissociative... whatever--
what if they had extra souls in their head? What if they were always
looking for a way to get out, find people who traded their souls away
or something. Hey-- are you listening to me?" Your voice didn't respond. |
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Post by ∆§Indea§∆ on Nov 10, 2018 20:58:10 GMT -8
I groaned at myself. Had I really fallen asleep at that moment? It was a distinct possibility. Even now I felt guilty, she had been onto something she thought was important and there I was snoring. My heart thudded in my chest and I wasn't sure if it was the inhaler anymore. What if I was stuck in somebody else's mind? Perhaps that was why I wasn't listening. What a dark thought.Edmund- "Sorry, kiddo. Hope you got the help you needed..."
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Nov 10, 2018 21:05:34 GMT -8
VOICE-
"Thanks. I could tell you were trying sometimes at least." The voice was still coming off the tape, the hiss of the analog technology and all."I tried to kill myself the year after this but I'm still alive. Maybe
some of your other patients weren't as lucky, I don't know. Do you
ever check up on them? Dr. Bassett, do you really want to cure people?
If you cured them, you'd be out of a job right?" The voice paused, as though waiting for a response. |
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Post by ∆§Indea§∆ on Nov 10, 2018 21:19:07 GMT -8
I gripped the sides of my chair tightly, my heart was definitely thudding. It felt ready to fly out of my chest.Edmund- "Wh..What. No. No you didn't. I... I helped. You were better... You said. I... You smiled in our last session. Of course I do, I travel all the way down to Detroit. I don't need to but I do. I'm a good person. I can't help it if people regress. You have to help yourselves... Why am I talking to a recording? You're not even real. This is just some mental break. I'll wake up or something and this'll be a forgotten dream."
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Nov 10, 2018 21:27:52 GMT -8
The voice chuckled darkly.VOICE-
"It's okay, Edmund. I forgive you. Humans are imperfect, every last one.
I'm sure it can seem hopeless to fight against the never ending need of
humanity. They need more than anyone could possibly give. Have you
ever felt that there had to be some simple way to soothe all the problems
in someone's head? What a shame that lobotomies didn't work.
Imagine if they did? Just poke one little spot and all the pain and desperation
would bleed out with that wasted tissue."
It didn't sound like that teen girl anymore. You didn't know who this sounded like."I'm not suggesting you'd ever give someone a lobotomy, obviously. But if you
did know a surefire way to one hundred percent remove someone's every
last trauma? Would you do it? Just hypothetically."
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Post by ∆§Indea§∆ on Nov 10, 2018 21:44:12 GMT -8
I was filled with a strange relief. If I hadn't been speaking to that young girl I couldn't even remember the name of, this was someone else I had been talking to. So then maybe she didn't try to commit suicide. I didn't have to have that on my conscience then, did I?Edmund- "O-of course. That would make me a very effective psychologist. It would be a strange world to live in though..." I would be very sought after that's for sure. I could stretch it out. It would certainly make me successful.
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Nov 10, 2018 21:58:30 GMT -8
VOICE-
"You're right, maybe it would be a little too strange. Maybe better
if you could just see the problems first, understand what really
makes people tick and decide what to do from there. Certainly
give you a lot of material, right?
Well, what do you think about the incurables? People who are so
broken that all they can hope for is a life of sedation. From birth to
death-- just repressing some kind of horrible desires. Future Jeffrey
Dahmers and Ted Bundys, put into permanent comas lest they prey
upon the vulnerable. What would be done with them? Just one can
cause so much pain. In one afternoon one could decimate a whole
family, a whole neighborhood...They could destroy in an instant
what would take you years of work to build." |
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Post by ∆§Indea§∆ on Nov 10, 2018 22:05:10 GMT -8
Had I caused the girl pain? Ignored all her problems. Imagine if I could just push them all away. I just wish I could remember her name. I think it started with T? I wanted to say Trinity or Tamara? I wasn't sure. Trish? What if there was a whole army of clients I had sent on the road to ruin... Was I that bad at my job that I caused people to commit suicide or at least try to. I had always been fairly confident in my skills. My clients sent me gifts at the end of the year sometimes. I couldn't accept them but they sent them. Wait the voice was talking. Shit. "Completely. Completely. I agree. Could you tell me what you think it would mean?" I wiped a little bit of drool from the corner of my mouth. At least a recording couldn't see that.pqlI95xF+ +2 ·
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Nov 10, 2018 22:20:25 GMT -8
VOICE-
"Hahaha. Oh, Edmund. You'll never be the voice of the
Devouring Mother with that attitude. I just want to know,
what would you give up for all of your dreams to come true?
Never ending happiness and success, not just you, but
Gisselle and Tabby." |
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Post by ∆§Indea§∆ on Nov 10, 2018 22:30:39 GMT -8
What had I agreed to? I was definitely listening now. What was this madness?”For Giselle and Tabby? Anything... Within reason. They’re my whole life. I would like to get back to them. I would have to give up something pretty big for that right? Scotch? Cigars?” I hoped this voice had a sense of humor.
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Nov 10, 2018 22:40:12 GMT -8
VOICE-
"Hmm, I'm glad you'd sacrifice pleasures like that, but you wouldn't
even have to do that much. You'll know when it's time, but I want you
to consider what I said-- IF, you were listening." Whoever was saying this had to be smiling."It's so easy to destroy, so difficult to repair. One bad apple ruins the barrel,
and all those cliches. One bad person can leave an army of victims. I too, want
to reach out to those lonesome, broken people. You could help me, and I could
help you so very, very much. Turn the tape over." |
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