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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Dec 9, 2013 18:12:39 GMT -8
Hi guys, ready for part two? I have THREE exercises for you today! First, play around with this site: prowritingaid.com/en/Analysis/EditorYou'll need to sign up but it's free and everything, and I haven't got a ton of spam from it. There's tons of cool analysis of your writing, including my fave where it looks for repeated words in a short space. Second-- Go through your story and identify all 'threads'. IE, when something major happens. Someone goes somewhere, someone finds an object, someone meets someone, etc etc. This can be major plot events, or something minor that you want to reoccur. For instance, every time the toad shows up in my story. Make a list for each thing that reoccurs, and the page/chapter number. This will help you find where there's a huge gap in the mention of something, or something you were really spending a lot of time early on that you forgot. *You don't need to post this, you can just keep it for your own reference. and Third-- REDUCE YOUR WORDCOUNT! Either cut scenes, unnecessary sentences, or just plain old wordiness. Get your count as low as you can without removing major content! Useful links: writingcenter.ua.edu/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/reducingwordiness.pdfleo.stcloudstate.edu/style/wordiness.htmlwww2.gsu.edu/~accerl/wordiness/WO.htmlweb.uvic.ca/~gkblank/wordiness.htmlAlso take note of the 'sticky sentences' part of the writing aid program. Post your original word count, and then after you complete, post your reduced one and we can marvel! GOOD LUCK! I'll post my results here too.
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Dec 9, 2013 18:16:47 GMT -8
I'm currently at 74,187 73,674 words. Here goes! EDIT: accidentally included redundant chapter
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DKender
Only One Skeleton has the Power to Control both Life and Death, Light and Dark, Words and Blank Space, Our Humble Lives Continue Only by the Grace and Magnanimity of This Skeleton
Nay, let us walk from fire unto firey skeleton ...
Posts: 9,204
Gender: Unknown Skeleton
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Post by DKender on Dec 9, 2013 19:04:10 GMT -8
I'm clocking in at 51,036!
Edit A GO!
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Dec 9, 2013 20:48:58 GMT -8
Hot tips: words you can almost always delete entirely:
Up (as in clean up, crush up, etc), very, really, actually
Post here if you find any, as well!
EDIT: kind of (esp. in 'some kind of' = 'some' or just 'a')
'Seemed like', particularly bad for me is 'seemed like it might have been some kind of' x(
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Post by ∆§Indea§∆ on Dec 10, 2013 15:17:53 GMT -8
My word count is at 25,454.
*cough cough*
Yeeah still gotta increase it before I decrease it too much.
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DKender
Only One Skeleton has the Power to Control both Life and Death, Light and Dark, Words and Blank Space, Our Humble Lives Continue Only by the Grace and Magnanimity of This Skeleton
Nay, let us walk from fire unto firey skeleton ...
Posts: 9,204
Gender: Unknown Skeleton
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Post by DKender on Dec 10, 2013 18:50:09 GMT -8
Here's a comparison of page one before and after edits. I moved some of the info in paragraph three to another part of the book. But even w/o that, lots of words have been cut. And it's still changing. I may eventually try to make it a more interesting hook.
Also, I wonder if something like "neaten" (or even tidy) would be a good replacement for "tidy up" now ;D
AFTER
In his I’m-joking-but-not-really way, Dr. Becker once said, “Keep the lab windows closed. If a bird flies inside and soils everybody’s work, I’ll lose my shit, too.”
Unfortunately, someone had used beta-mercaptoethanol that morning, and the building smelled like sewage. Fabiana needed fresh air before her upset stomach caused more damage than a renegade sparrow.
Plus, she was working in the “dirty lab,” where the scientists washed cages and glassware. The room hadn't been properly cleaned in months. A bird might tidy up the place if it built a nest from the straw, paper scraps, and bedding piled in hard-to-sweep corners.
BEFORE
In his I'm-joking-but-not-really way, Doctor Becker often said, “I don’t care if the cool air smells like dandelions. Keep the lab windows closed. If a bird flies inside and soils my work, I’ll lose my shit, too.”
But that morning, somebody had been using the beta mercaptoethanol indoors. It smelled like festering sewage, and if Fabiana’s weak stomach flipped, she’d do more damage than a confused sparrow.
What did Dr. Becker know, anyway? Not every place had to be sterile. In fact, this was the dirty, damp cage cleaning, dish washing, and tool fixing area. A bird might actually tidy up the room if it built a nest from the scraps of straw and bedding that had, over time, accumulated in corners and other hard-to-sweep areas. She unlocked the window behind the sink and opened it smoothly. Outside, a green, hilly field sprawled across the foreground, and thickly forested mountains supported the background. Yes, that view was almost worth the tribulations that marked employment at Becker’s isolated research facility. His group used to share the building with another team of scientists, people Fabi barely knew at the time but now missed dearly. Why did those guys leave, again? She had no clue. It must have been urgent, though, because they were gone within a week, abandoning Doctor Becker and his team of five lackeys in the white, boxy building.
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Post by ◊◊BLOODBEASTER◊◊ on Dec 10, 2013 19:58:48 GMT -8
Great work Dk, it's sounding really tight. I spent hours deleting 'justs' and 'somes' from my word count. x( Went from 73674 to 71,351! Woop woop.
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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Dec 13, 2013 12:28:56 GMT -8
I don't even know what to say. Almost halfway through the month and I'm practically nowhere. Been a bit busy, but still...
The deadline for the hardcover book is in February, so maybe we can do a NaNoEd2Mos? Ugh.
Oh, I just saw you. Where are you going?
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Post by ∆§Indea§∆ on Dec 13, 2013 16:18:53 GMT -8
Yeah, me too. Ugh got to get into it, finish this up, edit it up. I've got no deadlines but I'd like to do it anyway. I'm hoping to make some real headway this weekend!!
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DKender
Only One Skeleton has the Power to Control both Life and Death, Light and Dark, Words and Blank Space, Our Humble Lives Continue Only by the Grace and Magnanimity of This Skeleton
Nay, let us walk from fire unto firey skeleton ...
Posts: 9,204
Gender: Unknown Skeleton
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Post by DKender on Dec 13, 2013 16:49:33 GMT -8
I'm doing a Nanoedmo marathon tomorrow afternoon fer sure.
My boss is taking a holiday in England during the 2nd half of this month (yesterday until new year), so the first couple weeks of Dec were busy busy. But now that she's gone, it's a true Crowsmas miracle. I played the Sims for three hours yesterday. Yeeea.
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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Dec 14, 2013 13:32:17 GMT -8
SLIGHTLY LESS OFFICIAL EDMO MARATHON!!!!
I don't know if I want to do a whole thread for it, but after I finish part of this art thing for my brother, I'd like to EdMo marathon it up as well.
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DKender
Only One Skeleton has the Power to Control both Life and Death, Light and Dark, Words and Blank Space, Our Humble Lives Continue Only by the Grace and Magnanimity of This Skeleton
Nay, let us walk from fire unto firey skeleton ...
Posts: 9,204
Gender: Unknown Skeleton
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Post by DKender on Dec 14, 2013 21:10:31 GMT -8
So, I finally got my "book report" from Lulu's genome review. For the lulzies:
Your book is an ECHK. Very cool.
ECHK - Expressive, Concise, Hefty, Kinetic
ECHKs are comfortable with a strong narrative, appearing the most frequently in True Crime, Historical novels, and Military Fiction. These works place a premium on plot and character development, and engage readers with easy use of dialog and minimum descriptive passages. They emphasis the physical narrative and keep things moving, yet their text can be richly complex. ECHKs strive to create a deep reading experience and are willing to use sophisticated writing structures to do it.
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Post by Thy Dungyeon Maestyr on Dec 14, 2013 21:23:50 GMT -8
I'm close. SCHK. And I think they say Very Cool about everything, the busters. Basically they came up with a variant on Myers-Briggs and use it as a lead-off to sell us on the more informative stuff they charge 95 bucks for. I wonder to what extent we got Concise and Kinetic specifically because we were rushing to do NaNoWriMo. Heh.
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DKender
Only One Skeleton has the Power to Control both Life and Death, Light and Dark, Words and Blank Space, Our Humble Lives Continue Only by the Grace and Magnanimity of This Skeleton
Nay, let us walk from fire unto firey skeleton ...
Posts: 9,204
Gender: Unknown Skeleton
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Post by DKender on Dec 14, 2013 21:27:06 GMT -8
I'm tempted to edit the thing and resend it for a 2nd review before the 31st, to see if it changes with a lower dialogue:everything else ratio.
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Post by ∆§Indea§∆ on Dec 14, 2013 21:36:50 GMT -8
And we all know how concise and evidential Myers-Briggs is . I think your stories are the bomb and I'm not being a buster. (I'm a INTP if you're wondering hahaha..)
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